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Comment by MrThoughtful | Hacker News Reader

I'm always surprised that so few people on planes talk to each other.

It is amazing how a talk to the person next to you on a plane can turn a boring, multiple hour long flight into a nice experience that feels way shorter.

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I imagine it's because if the conversation is terrible you're still stuck together for potential hours. It's high risk medium reward.

Not really, if the conversation is not going well then you just do your own thing that you would have done, if you hadn't have tried talking.

I've had many fantastic conversations with people on planes and few meh ones, it's deffo worth putting a bit of effort in.

where is the risk?

Some people don’t take the cue that you’re done talking, and will continue to try to talk to you for the entire flight. Combine that with the fact that some of us are uncomfortable overtly shutting someone down, so we are stuck with nodding and trying unsuccessfully to go back to reading our book.

good point,

I would just put on some headphones and read in that situation

I always have some noise cancelling headphones where ever I travel, great for reducing the noise of screaming kids and people trying to facetime

I find a good book or movie makes the plane ride feel shorter. Talking to the person next to me so often ends up in an awkward situation when the conversation becomes tedious and boring, but it would be rude to just stop talking to them and move on to my book.

If I dont start talking to the person, I don’t have that problem.

In the context of chatting with strangers rather than someone you know, I’ve never felt it awkward for the conversation to trail off and both parties move on to something else.

Sure, but in my experience the person I am talking to wants to keep the conversation going longer than I do, and they won't let the conversation trail off.

Yes, but usually in those situations you can actually move on to something else. One a plane, you're forcibly stuck there. No, "Hey, it was nice talking to you, I'll see you around!" option.

It happens. Some people don’t take cues and will continue to talk to you forever.

On the other hand, I’ve seen not an insignificant number of cases where someone overstepped a boundary by forcing a conversation on someone who was clearly not into it. I think it’s ok to try, but given the context, cultural differences, legal requirement to stay in your assigned seat, it might be easy to get confused about consent.

Where is there a legal requirement to stay in your assigned seat? I've switched seats with people plenty of times on airplanes, or simply moved into empty rows. If you want to switch you can simply ask. (That is, if you're not afraid to talk to strangers!)

I fly 10-15 times a year and I have seen an empty seat on a flight maybe once.

I don't fly as often as you. Maybe 6-8 times a year. But I usually try to travel on days/times/routes that I think will be quiet. Like, if I'm going to Vegas, I'll leave on a Tuesday night after a holiday weekend. Internationally, there used to be a lot of half-empty planes. Admittedly, I haven't seen as many empty rows since covid constricted the industry.

Did the people who you saw do this mid-flight/mid-unwanted-conversation, in order to escape their chatty neighbors, or was this more in the early phases of the flight when people were getting settled?

When people see my seat and see that it’s better than theirs, and simply ask me for it, sometimes I cave in in the interest of being nice. It’s cool that they want a nice gift from me, but even if I say a polite “no,” it makes me feel defensive about occupying a seat that I picked for a reason, under the same rules by which they picked theirs.

Usually early in a flight, and once it's established that there are some empty seats - that is, occupying an empty one rather than asking someone to switch. Although I once got on a 12-hour red eye flight that was full, settled in and, before takeoff, had a girl a few rows in front of me come back and politely ask the man next to me if he'd switch seats with her. She didn't like the company up there, I guess. He agreed, and she and I ended up hitting it off and sharing a hotel room at our destination. Which is admittedly a rather one-off situation...

I've also had the opposite situation, where I was desperate to switch but couldn't. The worst case was when I got the last seat on a flight and found myself between this completely asshole older couple where, it came out, the man would only fly in a window seat and his wife would only sit on the aisle. They bickered at each other over me for 3 hours as if I wasn't even there, and both refused to switch with me, going so far as to claim they both got airsick if they sat in a middle seat. Obviously, it wasn't even worth asking anyone else on the plane to switch, but I've never wanted to kill anyone as much.

Somehow I feel that changed recently (post-COVID?).

I remember having lots of random conversations with my seatmates on planes, and I’m not the type to talk to strangers myself.

It used to be normal to always ask something along the lines of “where are you headed?” and maybe let that evolve into a chat about shared experiences about cities and places. I still remember some of the fascinating people I met this way and will never see again.

But in the last couple of years all my flights have been purely transactional where not a single casual word is ever exchanged with anyone.

The best conversation I ever had on a plane was with an elderly French couple. They didn't speak English and I know maybe half a dozen words of French. They eventually successfully communicated to me that they're taking a month-long holiday at a sort-of private island where there's these bungalows where you can stay isolated from civilisation. No Internet, no electricity, and you have to fish for your dinner. Groceries are via a guy on a canoe that turns up once a day to sell you whatever you need.

It was fascinating and amazing how with hours with nothing else to occupy us, we overcame boredom by exchanging this story despite the language barrier.

When I was in grad school, I would catch up reading journal papers on the plane and keep to myself, but finally on two separate occasions it sparked lengthy conversation, because the other person was an engineer or a mathematician.

I would suggest it’s simply because flights are often much longer than a subway ride. Making small talk for six, eight, twelve hours isn’t really fun for anyone.

actually it used to be like that in earlier days of airliners. it was a social experience.

but those days also had a darker side, like having a dress code for passengers...

What's dark about that? I wish they'd bring back a dress code.

Darker? Sounds like a much brighter side...

I was just telling someone how I wish there were higher expectations for personal hygene at airports. I've had many flights made significantly more miserable by smelly people who obviously haven't showered recently. A very slight dress code, like no sweatpants or tank tops, would go a long way towards encouraging people to wash themselves and wear clean clothes before they sit 6 inches away from me for 5 hours.

>I was just telling someone how I wish there were higher expectations for personal hygene at airports

And let's not forget public transport...

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