It's extremely narcistic to believe that everyone needs to care about how you think of yourself. I don't respect your gender and sexual identity simply because I don't care, it's none of my business.
And that's why it should filter you. I can respect someones idea of themselves and their gender or sexual identity precisely because I don't care. Working with People as opposed to working with machines requires accepting their individuality in a lot of facets. I personally am disgusted by religion and religious ideology, yet I can work with people even if they are believers, because I respect them as human beings.
Those instance where people complain about misgendering? That’s not when someone accidentally uses the wrong pronoun. It’s when a person purposefully ignores someone else’s wishes and calls them in a way that is hurtful.
To me saying it’s just messages in a bug tracker, and identity doesn’t matter, that person can’t be serious. I feel we have to learn this lesson over and over again.