And then, I started viewing my need to learn random stuff as . . . A way to distract myself.
Now when I feel the tug to set a learning goal, I step back and feel what’s behind it.
Is this goal really the best use of my time? Or is there a big fear I’m avoiding or pull toward validation that I’m seeking in this moment?
I’ve learned so much from not reading :)
I am now in a phase where I am letting things take whatever course they have to. No longer am I trying to achieve an objective of getting “better” and being ok with knowing that if I don’t feel like it, I needn’t pressure myself to pursue it.
I realised that I was trying to prove myself to other people. That if I get better at the instrument, people will be wowed and will like me more and that will give me validation. So I realised that at least a part of the motivation was public approval. Meditation and therapy have helped me realise that my craving for validation cannot be fixed by more validation. And this has made it easy for me to let go.
Who knows what comes next? I can only accept myself and go with the flow :)
But then, the hard part, the part requiring discipline comes in. In the example of learning an instrument, maybe you learn your first pentatonic box on the guitar, and you get a quick hit of satisfaction when you can improvise something pleasant. But then you start to realize, as you learn more, that there's a huge amount of practice required to take you to the point where you can shred a solo.
This is where I often lose interest in some new hobby, personally. And the truth is, there's just not enough time in a life to truly master that many different things.
With that said, though, I think there can still be value in learning the basics of something new. It can tell your whether you enjoy that thing enough to keep investing in it, and you can often go quite far with basic skills. I'll never be a master woodworker, but I'm happy that I learned the first 50%, because that's enough to do some basic house repairs or build a shelf. I'll never be a great piano player, but I learned enough to be able to lay down some chords when I'm working on some music. I'm not going to be a full time drummer, but I can do a basic 4/4 beat when we're all drunk at the end of a jam session and switch instruments for shits and giggles.
I think it's just important to be realistic about how far basics take you and whether you're really going to invest the time it takes to make learning things worthwhile - or if, like you describe, that effort is feeding some other impulse that's not worth your time.
But it is ok to learn new things just because it's fun, and there's a lot of fun to be had being a generalist. So it's really (just like all things in life) just a balance that you need to figure out how you want to strike.
If it energises you/brings you joy, then why question it?
> Simply having awareness can be beneficial on some level.
It is, but what I realised at one point that there are just too many things to fix and you can spend your entire life becoming aware about them. I think it's better to choose a few or even one problem and go deep or actually do something. But, as I wrote in the post, that's something that works well for me. YMVV.
Edit: John Green explains this well in this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bew3EMicf8g
Same here! Since realising that, I've not been so worried about reading everything I've saved, or even thinking that I have to read everything I come across just because "you learn something new every day." I graduated a year ago and have done lots of work and reading since. How different would my life have been if I'd applied even 10% of what I learn?
I still love learning stuff, but now--unless it's required for work--don't go looking for things to learn. I am doing much more as a result and I'm happier than I was when I simply spent my days learning.