Everything is imperfect, but where I work crashdumps are uploaded straight to a secure vault and then deleted from the origin system. The dumps are processed, and insensitive data is extracted and published with relatively lenient access controls. Sensitive data, such as raw memory dumps, require a higher tier of permissions. In order to be eligible for that higher tier, your developer machine has to be more locked down than that of people who are not in the secure group. (You also need to have a reason to need more access.)

Given that stack traces, crash addresses, and most register contents are considered to be security insensitive, most people don't really need access to the raw dumps.

It's far from perfect, but it would be unfair to call it "security theater". It seems like a pretty decent balance in practice. Admittedly, we have the slight advantage of several hundred millions installs, so the actual bugs that are causing crashes are likely to happen quite a few times and statistical analysis will often provide better clues than diving deep into an individual crash dump.