I'm not sure I understood this bit:

> For example, if I needed to reach Comcast in a genuine internet emergency, I would dial *2721710627438712345678901218009346489. This is so incredibly convenient that the government offers a phone app for WPS/GETS users just to do the dialing for you.

Why wouldn't a user just save that in their phone's address book? Even ancient GSM phones allowed for pre-programmed numbers which included waits, pauses, and DTMF tones.

Interestingly, GSM does allow for priority of emergency calls (112, 999, etc). IIRC, the SIM can make a priority request to be connected to the emergency services. The network could disconnect a non-emergency call to free up the air interface.

Of course, in a mass event everyone dials 999 and can't get through anyway.