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Comment by duaneb | Hacker News Reader

While I sympathize for the person, I can't help but wonder if it was the right decision. She's going to be facing the same problems in every male-dominated industry; is it worth giving up the thing you love? I can't answer, obviously, because I'm male, and in a different position besides that.

Thankfully, I've never run into this in real life. I've always worked with coworkers respectful of each other, and I can't imagine tolerating that kind of sexism without any confrontation. One would think people would learn to interact—or rather, which interactions are harmful—with people of different genders at a younger age.

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I think I left that a little vague (the original title was clearer about me staying in IT). I'm still a developer.

It may exist in every industry, but this is the one I've chosen, and this is where I can start to make a change.

> It may exist in every industry, but this is the one I've chosen, and this is where I can start to make a change.

Good! I think that's the right decision. I can't imagine what would cause the world to get better about this aside from women, on a global scale, making it very clear that it's not OK.

How about men, on a global scale, making it very clear that it's not OK?

In your opinion, what is a potential solution to this problem?

1. Awareness.

2. You'd be shocked how much better my environment would be if, when I expressed concern about something, I was not told to 'lighten up', but if my concern was treated as valid.

I'm surprised by that response, 'lighten up' to be clear. We always joked around and if anybody, whether it be female or male, got offended then it was certainly not OK. I have never worked with anybody that intentionally tried to offend somebody and was nothing but apologetic if it occurred. Though I am sure there are plenty that exist.

I feel that awareness will be difficult.

I think the people who pay attention to things like your blog post are the people who are already sympathetic.

It's like if you wrote a guide about "How To Not Be An Asshole", assholes would probably not read it.

It's not about changing the asshole's behavior, per se, it's about changing the response of Jim, random third party in the meeting where Bob says he's sitting across from Katie so he can ogle her tits from:

"Katie, lighten up"

"Bob, stop being such a creepy fuck. It's unacceptable".

Perhaps, but if we can continue to make it known that inappropriate behavior is unacceptable, it will be impossible for them to miss the signs.

Women shouldn't have be the only ones calling out their peers for making othering comments - everyone can do that.

While I agree that leaving the industry might not be the best choice (luckily she did not), we do need to realize that even though this happens in many other industries, IT is one with relatively few women in the first place so think of how lonely it could feel to be singled out and feel like nobody is on your side.

Until you feel that, you might empathize, but you can't relate. The easiest way to deal is to think about how you'd want your mother, sister, or spouse to be treated. If you wouldn't like it for them, don't ever stand by and do nothing when this stuff happens. Also, about losing a job or business...if you put a job or a client ahead of your ethics, it's time to do some self refactoring.

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