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Comment by gizmo385 | Hacker News Reader

As a person who grew up and found very valuable social connections in online spaces, connections that helped me figure out who I am as a person, these feel very controlling and overbearing to be a bit blunt. For kids who don’t fit society’s typical mold, whether they be queer or whatever, being able to meet people who have lived their experience is invaluable.

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I hear you. In an ideal world I would have supported that.

Unfortunately in the current social media, the choice is between letting the kids wade in cesspool of crap and hope they find some lotuses, or support them in person till they are mature enough.

It’s a hard decision. I made the one above.

Edit: to clarify, if my kid ever comes to me as queer or whatever, I’ll make sure to find in-person connections that can help. Relying on social media still feels a little iffy. I’m really glad you were able to find meaningful connections. I have a feeling not everyone is as lucky as you.

I think it's important to differentiate social media with social networks. I would vigorously argue that Instagram & TikTok are media setup for doom scrolling, and almost nobody gets anything positive from the experience (unless they're selling something). On the other hand -- and perhaps I'm dating myself but I ran a dial-up BBS in the early 90s -- platforms that lend themselves to formation of meaningful relationships aren't all cesspools. I think it's important to have open conversations with one's children to assess what they need in their lives to become open-minded, rational, compassionate and helpful contributors to society, and that's impossible without cultivating the right relationships.

I agree very much.

Unfortunately, the BBS and even forums of the past (and those that are alive today) were very focused and had less crap. I used to spend a lot of time on Slashdot and find very civil conversations even today in many focused forums (cars, AV equipment, coffee, DPReview, coding related etc etc) Reddit has some corners like thar.

Discord now is very much like that if you stick to small-ish focused servers.

I grew up in the early 2000s and us and other kids in middle school were watching beheading videos and/or porn.

Shit, I talk to other functioning adults in their 20s and 30s and they tell me they too watched the same garbage.

I think you might have rose tinted glasses on to be honest. The Internet was just as wild back then.

Not the OP, I think the main difference between then an now is that the internet in the old days wasn’t designed to be addictive, todays social networks and other apps are. For me it’s not about the severity of the the content but the addictiveness.

I remember two of my classmates being addicted to World of Warcraft. They both got problems, one dropped out, one managed to turn around. Today every smartphone game and the social networks are at least as addictive as WoW. Some people will manage it but some won’t. I don’t know if OPs way to handle it would be the way I handled it but A I don’t have a better idea an B I don’t have kids (yet).

Even if you block everything, they will find their way around it because having a social presence is very important for teenagers, even if you don't consider the content valuable. It's part of belonging and growing with their peers. Limiting access is probably a punishment ("tough love" if you want) but not a lesson. You can help them realize Instagram is full of crap and let them chose to avoid it. Kids are smarter than we think, and trusting them is more powerful than building walls (although it's true that it's more difficult and scary just trusting them).

How old are you? To be a bit blunt — things have changed significantly since those of us in our (late?) 30s and up grew up dialing into BBS Compuserve AOL.

That's part of the issue and why I try not to fool myself that I'm more technically literate and cool / aware dad, than my dad was.i may work in IT but a teenager's experience of online world is a perplexing mystery to me. They use different social media very differently than I did / do. Their online and offline peers and circles are strange to me. Not that they're bad! I just recognize I don't grok their world.

I met my spouse online and a lot of my generation did. I too met a lot of friends online first. But the exploits and weirdness and threat vectors on the interwebs today is just very different.

> I met my spouse online and a lot of my generation did. I too met a lot of friends online first.

At what age though? Were you 18+ or younger?

I met some people through game modding forums and mailing lists at 17. I think I started participating when I was 15.

Fwiw and as requested :)

Re friends - In late 90s and early 2000s I was in my late teens and early 20s. I was on the interwebs since age 15 or 16 in ~1995

Re spouse, age 27 in 2006 on Lavalife. There were a lot of creeps on dating sites then, but not nearly as many professional scammers as today.

It’s ironic that you’re asking me my age and calling me, indirectly, a dinosaur, but used a brand new potentially throwaway account. :)

I guess some of us do value our privacy and want to impart that to our kids.

No, I’m saying you may be younger if you think it’s “safe” to let your kids bop around the internet without oversight.

Ah ok, got it. Sorry, I realized your comment was not for me.

I’m old-er :D

Online acquaintance is not really "meeting people" is it? Maybe seeing people, discussing? Can it not wait until 16-18yo when folks get access to these things regardless of what parents want?

I had a few gay friends in high school, and we all knew it. No one really cared. Didn't require smartphones as they didn't exist.

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