The comments here really demonstrate how this is a culturally-nuanced topic.
FWIW, the author comes from a North-American background.
FWIW, the author comes from a North-American background.
EDIT: looking through the 2020 thread, it's intersting how different the conversation went, especially wrt stack rankging. It felt like it was focusing more on process at companies. Here, it feels a lot more "personal". More about "well I just want it straight" or "compliments can inadvertently hurt people".
Can't call it better or worse objectively, but one feels a bit more surface level than the other.
I believe that consent is good, and I believe that voluntarily crossing a person's boundaries is bad, but I also believe that participating in a society means we cannot entirely control all aspects of how we're engaged with and perceived. An employee talking to a vested party about an experience they had is a perfectly normal, healthy and expected behavior. The example we're talking about is even a positive! So some amount of "making a decision for someone else" (even though I reject that concept as existing here) is normal, healthy and expected.
No, you didn’t. What decision do you think you made except your own?
Abuse can be subjective and you shouldn't be abused based on your personal lines of abuse, which I of course cannot decide. If you are not comfortable in your work environment and have the capacity to leave, I hope it isn't a controversial take to suggest leaving. full time work is a good chunk of your life after all, and abuse will bleed into the other parts of your life even after you leave for the day.
If you have intrinsic reasons to stay despite having that capacity to leave, then I suppose you value those reasons above your personal mental health. Which is unfortuante, but your call.
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This goes a bit beyond the topic of compliments. But such a topic seem to bring so many experiences of office politics out in this iteration of discussion, so I felt it be worth mentioning. As I edited in my above post, this post feels a lot more "personal" than the discussion 3 years ago.
There is no stand, merely a suggestion. Feel free staying miserable but many people in a community like this aren't minimum wage workers struggling to pay rent. It's your choice to stay miserable by that point. I'm glad I'm in environments where people can use their words about their boundaries without fear and I don't have to assume people are the way you are currently projecting them to be.
“Just get a better job lol” is a ridiculously privileged response to “your good intentions may have unintended consequences.”
In the NA culture, we’ve reached a “kindergarten” sort of stage, where the prime directive is to protect feelings and reduce “harm”. I suspect this may be due the growing influence of academia on the private sector.