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You can't hack a dumb power switch (or what I assume is a giant breaker)

Yes you can. It's called turning it back on. Getting there is the challenge, but it's not as if defcon is only about digital security

My grandfather owns an RSA decryption tool. He calls it a wrench

Pedantically speaking, that's more of a key extraction tool than a decryption tool as such.

Most efficient, though.