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Is that correct?
It seems to be getting downvoted by people who misunderstanding the comment.
as others have mentioned, this topic is probably not a worthwhile one to bring up as the focus is on mourning one of our own.
It was not my intention to air a gripe.
I'm on the spectrum, and my son even more so. It's painful when my heart is in the right place, but neuro-typicals mistake my intent and refuse to believe me.
It's taken a lot of effort for me to adjust my communication style to avoid those situations. Happily it's mostly paid off, but I'm sad that my son will likely need to walk the same path somewhat.
> neuro-typicals mistake my intent and refuse to believe me
This is an idea I had to unlearn. We struggle as much understanding ourselves as understanding other people. When people react negatively to our behavior often times we immediately jump to extending unlimited benefit of the doubt to our own intentions. In reality, our perception of our own intentions are often post-hoc fabrications to preserve our self-image as a nice person. Letting go of this assumption was helpful to a better understanding of interpersonal interaction.
You can be accused of being an asshole, it doesn't mean it's because of your autism though - and going "autistic = asshole" is absolutely worthy of a ban.
Maybe don't be so quick to portray your own experiences onto autistic people as whole. If you wanted more specifics about what Kris meant by "don't be an asshole," you could've asked her (or any Hachyderm staffer).
You are not every autistic person, and not every autistic person is an asshole.
Portraying all autistic people as assholes - or implying that by virtue of being autistic, they can't not be an asshole - is incredibly ignorant and ableist.
While I sympathise with your struggle with intent or clarity, it does seem that you were an asshole, and your projected assumptions about autistic people because of your own experiences are harmful, not helpful.
It was put across in an asshole way, and bringing it up when it has no relevance to commiserating the loss of a great person and engineer, is an asshole move - autistic or not.
Calling all autistic people assholes is very worthy of being blocked and banned
It's unfortunately true that my behaviour (and the behaviour of many autistic people) can be easily characterised as being an asshole, and vague rules do not help us function.
The condition is very much characterised by being unable to understand social cues.
I really was trying only to be helpful and got quite hurt in the interaction.
You're right that social cues are complex and inconsistent.
But it's not helpful to the autistic community to suggest that they are unable to learn how not to be an asshole - in online, or irl communities. I know many that started with struggles, but learned how to handle it.
The trick was wanting to try. To decide that the empty annoying irritating things that allstics do are not malicious either. And that social interaction is like the rules of a very complex game.
It takes time, it takes effort, it takes humility.
I don't know you so I would never presume what your situation is. But I know of several people in my life who are on the spectrum that I got close to before I realized that they genuinely have no interest in self improvement, and they use their autistic diagnostic as a cover to see themselves as above petty human social squabbles, and that their assholishness is a mark of pride that they use to refuse to better themselves. I hope that's not where you are at.
The fundamental issue is that Autism itself is at least partially characterised by being unable to read social cues, this is harder in text form.
Its very easy to say something in perhaps not the best way. To welcome autists you have to do what the hackernews guidelines do: State that “Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize. Assume good faith.”
This is not essential to operating your site, but if you are trying to be inclusive to neurodivergency then its extremely helpful to them to have a guideline like this which allows them to feel a bit at ease.
A rule like “don’t be an asshole” requires a emotional intelligence that may be lacking, it will feel like a guillotine around the neck waiting to strike if you comment something which is interpreted in way other than it was intended.
A fantastic example of this, ironically, is this thread and the original thread with Kris. Mal-intent was assumed but was not intended; people in this thread have genuinely called me an asshole- with no sense of irony.
Regardless, this isn't the time or place for moderation chat; one of our own had suffered a tragically early demise, and I mourn. My condolences to everyone affected.