Thanks for the advice about the psychological help. I'll think about talking to a therapist. Apart from that, how serious would dropping out be? Just from an economical/career perspective..
I can't tell you how many MS candidate resumes I've read (CS), where they've done tons of projects, but there code sucks. That doesn't mean they aren't really smart and won't be great in a few years, but not now. 400 line functions (poor OOP), poor commenting, inconsistent naming conventions, poor memory allocation...the list goes on.
Figure out your issues and work on them. I understand the debt concern, but your expected value of success and future earnings will be severely limited. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
I was planning to read a lot of source code, write a lot of code/contribute to open source, and study formal CS on my own. I think after 3-4 years I would have as much programming and formal knowledge as if I had stayed in college, and maybe more.
I'm wondering if the lack of a degree would hold me back significantly.
You obviously have a lot happening in your head- you need to be able to sort it out and think clearly- this is what therapists are for. I'm serious- this is the move to take. Talk to someone- they won't solve your problem but they will help you talk through it and oftentimes that is what you need to figure it out yourself