Comment by aaronbrethorst | Hacker News Reader

Comment by aaronbrethorst | Hacker News Reader

I don't normally like to talk about matters this personal in a forum like this—especially given that I use my real name as my username here, but if it ends up helping one person then I think it'll be worth it.

My son was born a little over 9 months ago. He's healthy, delightful, and utterly normal—and yet I, his father, still ended up with postpartum depression. I think it's underreported and under-appreciated that fathers can also have serious postpartum mental health issues.

I've been taking Lexapro since January to manage the symptoms, predominantly anxiety, and feel great from it. I haven't experienced any noticeable side-effects that you might normally associate with SSRIs, and I'm incredibly grateful that I was in a position to start taking it.

New dads: if you feel unusually down, anxious, frustrated, angry, or depressed, consider talking to your PCP about treatment. Taking medication is not an admission of failure. Being a father is tough, but it shouldn't feel impossible.

edit: see my replies for exactly why I don't like discussing this.

Edit 2: since I’m concerned that some asshole in my replies might dissuade some folks who might seek care from seeking it, please check this article out: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/yes-postpartum-depression...

8-10% of new fathers experience postpartum depression.

I'm glad to hear you're feeling great having received treatment and that you're hopefully now getting to enjoy time with your healthy son.

On a personal and professional level I'm greatly appreciative of your decision to share your experience and contribute to the destigmatization and increased awareness of male mental health despite anticipating attacks.

Thank you on both counts. And also for the detailed rebuttal you posted in the flagged reply below my original post.

I think I share exactly the same experience and the very same thing helped greatly for me. I was just not diagnosed any postpartum depression but rather good old GAD.

After the birth of a son life changed 180 - no free time, no personal time etc etc. All you can expect. Less sleep, a lot of unknowns and anxieties. Again - expected. Less time with wife. Feelings of down, depression. Some anger problems. But it all looks like everyday life and everybody experiences stuff like that.

Then my father died. So I became "the man of the family".

Then corona hit. Then unknowns at work.

Then one day I was playing with my son and he hit his back and I felt so sick. However x-rays just nothing and he was just fine the next day. Life continues.

And one day I was just chilling and having some alone time and it all hit me like a train. Suddenly I thought I am gonna die. Somehow my heart will fail (my father had heart problems) and basically I could not function as a person. I just wanted that somebody would take me to the hospital or something and just care for me so if my hearts starts failing medics would be near. I couldn't work. One of the worst weeks or so of my life.

Of course my heart was just fine.

All these things were accumulating for some time already. The very same Lexapro helped me a lot. No side effects whatsoever. After a few months I felt like I was actually young again. Things started to improve both at home and at work. Anxiety is 99% gone. I am just so glad I got help. Actually I was forced to as I couldn't function.

How are things after? The few PCP or psychiatrist friends told me that these meds have a huge addiction potential. Could you be without it again?

For me there was no "after" yet. Psychiatrist suggests to be on meds for at least a year or so. Combine with therapy. Going off meds should be very slow and take a month or so of dosage lowering.

I guess body should have be adjusted to increased levels of serotonin and lowering the dose very slowly should help the body to adjust the levels by itself. Nothing that was not done by millions of people already.

Most psych meds are not addictive, in the sense that they don't give you a high to be abused.

You have to titrate off a lot of them, but that's true of a lot of drugs and that's also not addiction.

Benzos _are_ potentially addictive, but if used correctly can help a lot. They also aren't generally prescribed as first-line treatments.

Sorry to hear that you had PPD but glad you were able to get help and feel better. I had a child around the same time and I can empathize with your experience. It's a wonderful time but can also be very overwhelming, especially for a first child (which is the case for me). It's like you take a major life change, natural anxiousness about your kid (are they hitting all their development milestones, eating enough, getting enough sleep, sleeping too much, etc, etc, etc) and mix in a big dollop of sleep deprivation.

> New dads: if you feel unusually down, anxious, frustrated, angry, or depressed, consider talking to your PCP about treatment. Taking medication is not an admission of failure. Being a father is tough, but it shouldn't feel impossible.

Amen. Being the internet, people are going to be jerks but I for one appreciate you sharing your experience.

I don't have anything to add, just -- another new dad here -- wanted to say thanks for sharing and I'm glad it's working for you.

You're a good human. Continue being willing to put yourself in the line to help others. You will be remembered and admired for it.

Replies? Are they flagged?

Yes

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