I thought the goal here was to end up in a stable long-term relationship? That doesn't work if you break up.
If you were prepared to just drop your ex-girlfriend and move on (and would rather have done so than meet the exact same person a few years and a few partners later) then this suggests not that you're against people having multiple partners ... but that you're against women having multiple sexual partners.
I am not against or for people having multiple partners. People can do whatever they want. I only care about the number of partners of women I am interested in.
Men have a preference for women who made the choice to sleep with fewer men, ruling out 80% of them. Everybody loses their minds.
I'm a woman who married her husband, and was extremely picky about marrying someone who wasn't promiscuous (low number of sexual partners).
I have two sons, and a daughter. As a mother you absolutely see the double standards in a couple ways. Women on tiktok, instagram, and other social media constantly shame men for being under 6 feet. I'm Korean, and I see Asian men being shamed from being under 5'7 in Asian!
Any male preferences get demonized, while female preferences get revered. It makes me worried for my kids. I don't want my daughter to grow up without a grasp on reality, and I don't want my sons being doormats.
Let's preface with the fact that I am a male.
What I have seen is the complete opposite. We males aren't "demonized" for being promiscuous, quite the opposite in fact. Females are outright called "sluts".
What you see on the internet is a drop in the bucket. Social media will default to exaggerated points of view, because they generate engagement. Kids will outgrow these fake trends at some point.
For centuries, the vast majority of women didn’t have the luxury of choosing. To this day, most men still discriminate on the basis on religion, race, or politics when looking for partners.
What are these men complaining about?
> Political views are about the only "good filter", but you're just putting a huge target on your back anyway.
Yes, most women wouldn’t fuck conservatives because they despise their ideals. Perhaps the issue here is the lack of self awareness among conservatives, then.
I see it less about victims and more about empathy. You can understand the historical burden minorities and women have had and also still sympathize with modern dating scene, for men and women alike.
https://www.businessinsider.com/women-are-more-attracted-to-...
Nowhere in the article says that women prefer "promiscuous" men, but men regarded as "attractive" by other women.
It also does not justify the fact that women are regarded more negatively when they have had multiple sexual partners, compared to men.
What do women do with the men they are attracted to, generally speaking? Is there anything women could use as a informal gauge as to how attractive other women find any particular man?
> It also does not justify the fact that women are regarded more negatively when they have had multiple sexual partners, compared to men.
Oh OK, so when 5 foot tall women should stop being creepy and preferring men taller than them right? Their preferences are unbalanced and unjustified correct?
Have you even read the article you yourself posted?
> Oh OK, so when 5 foot tall women should stop being creepy and preferring men taller than them right? Their preferences are unbalanced and unjustified correct?
I honestly cannot believe I would have to explain this to a seemingly functional adult.
We are talking about the imbalance in how sexual activity is regarded depending on gender.
Preferring taller or shorter partners is not "creepy", same as in choosing between blondes or brunettes. No one, outside the constant noise that is social media, is going to chastise you for choosing one or another.
Asking about "body count" before dating someone is creepy, because our society regards this as a private matter. Even worse, as I said, men get a pass on this, and women do not.
It blows my mind that anyone would be trying to compare one to another, and even tried to spin it into "promiscuous men are more preferable among women anyway". What the hell?
> our society regards this as a private matter.
Why is that? We haven't reached the objective bedrock that opinion is based on yet, we are still in feelings land.
I wonder if you yourself have started any date by saying "I have fucked this many people". After all, it seems only natural that you would lead by example. How has that worked for you so far?
Hey man, men rejecting women like that just leaves more for you right? Nobody is stopping you from having a former sex worker as a wife, it's just I and many people like me don't feel lifelong commitment with such a person is worthwhile or desirable.
Maybe this is the reason I don't get this kind of reactionaryism: I left for college ~25 years ago, and didn't go back to the small town I grew in.
And I'm glad. I could have turned into the same kind of guy who still believes that men can aspire to be players, and women should not.
Also why can't men prefer younger women in the manner that younger women tend to prefer older established men?
I talk about women because I'm a man! Women also select men in other ways. Nothing wrong about it. Men and women are different and we have different things that makes us tick.
Your right to subjective preferences doesn't invalidate people’s subjective view of those preferences.
I presume the reason you want to date someone with fewer partners is because you are trying to weed out partners who are unlikely to stick around. So if she doesn't stick around anyway because she wants to play the field, that means your judgement was wrong.
If you don't actually care about breakups (which is the impression your comments are giving me), I'm not sure why any of it matters. Why avoid dating someone with a long history of break-ups if you don't actually care when or why your relationships end?
For what it's worth, when I was looking for a partner, I discounted men who had more than a couple short-term relationships like that. Even if they were completely serious about all of those relationships and it was their partners who left them for a more promiscuous lifestyle, a pattern of such relationships speaks poorly of their ability to identify compatibility in a partner. I was picky about men I would date, and so I was only interested in men who were similarly picky about women they would date.
When I enter a relationship, I cannot reliably predict what her behaviour will be during or after the relationship. But I can extrapolate what her current and future behaviour will be from her previous behaviour. Of course, I can guess wrong, but at least I tried.
The number of partners must equal the number of breakups. I don't see the practical difference? I say I want a partner who's had few partners, which means I want a partner who's had few breakups. A woman who's had more partners than breakups has had one or several one-night stands, and those are automatically discarded - I do not even consider them.
Also when I said I want someone with few partners and I am only interested in long relationships I thought it was implied that I was more interested in women whose few relationships had been long.
>a pattern of such relationships speaks poorly of their ability to identify compatibility in a partner
Maybe. But that's not necessarily her fault. My soft skills are very poor so I can't ask for more :) Also she could have had very bad luck. Not a strong reason to discard someone in my book, although it's something to take into account.
>When I enter a relationship, I cannot reliably predict what her behaviour will be during or after the relationship. But I can extrapolate what her current and future behaviour will be from her previous behaviour.
This is the point I was trying to get at. Past behavior is the best predictor we have of future behavior, which is why it is valuable to date people who have a history of behavior for us to examine. It makes it easier to weed out bad matches from good matches. When people have no history of behavior (i.e., they are young and don't have a lot of life/dating experience), there is really no way to know what their future behavior will be.
My main thrust is that early-age marriage is not actually a good thing. It is better for people to marry after they are more experienced, even if that experience reveals that maybe some people shouldn't marry at all (i.e., it is better that they never marry at all than that they get married young and later realize they shouldn't have).
>The number of partners must equal the number of breakups.
Yes, they are the same (I guess outside of ongoing polyamorous relationships). I just used that wording to emphasize the breaking-up aspects of these previous relationships.
This kind of thinking needs to just go away. It's silly and doesn't allow for growth and change
most have one life to live and they grow and adapt