I am definitely not trying to pinch, break, or otherwise contact your balls. I also don't want to ban you (or any other user who I assume is posting in good faith) without first giving you enough information to use HN as intended if you want to.
We're just trying to have an internet forum that doesn't suck—it's nothing personal! The problem we face is that large internet forums end up sucking by default - that's where the arrow of entropy points - so if we want to avoid that outcome, we need to spend a lot of energy to deflect it, and we need users to help with that.
There's nothing intrinsically wrong about posting unsubstantive/flamebait comments on the internet - there are other sites where that is common and expected. We're simply trying to play a different game here, and for that we have different rules*. Just like baseball rules say you can't tackle the pitcher, and football rules don't let you whack the ball with a stick, HN rules say not to be snarky, not to post flamewar comments, and so on (https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html).
Btw, what you said about "changing others" is correct in a way - I post like this as a moderator because I'm trying to persuade users who are breaking the rules to change their behavior. (Not make them change - just persuade them that it's in their interest.) But you're wrong that this isn't doable—it does work sometimes. You decide whether or not it works in your case, of course, but HN has a long history of users switching to using the site as intended, once they understood why it was in their own interest to do so.
Here's why it's in your interest: HN is only worth visiting in the first place because we have these rules and most users follow them. Flamewar, for example, can be exciting for a while, but in the end it's just repetitive and boring. The idea of HN is to satisfy curiosity, and for that we have to avoid the snarky/flippant/sensational/indignant/etc. types of internet posting, all of which destroy the site for that purpose. It's in your interest to participate in the intended way, because then you're contributing to the reason why it's worth visiting at all. I'm sure you wouldn't leave fires burning in a campsite that you enjoy, or (less dramatically) drop trash in a pleasant park. The way we see it, asking people to play the intended game here and stick to its rules is sort of like that.
* this is also why I often ask people "Please don't do this here". It's not "please don't do this" or "it's wrong to do this" or "you're bad for doing this" - it's just "please don't do this here."