Comment by openasocket | Hacker News Reader

Comment by openasocket | Hacker News Reader

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I feel similarly from time to time. I refer to it as “existential dread.” I’m a Christian, but I’m not free of doubt. And when I have these moments of existential dread my beliefs feel so absurd. It usually starts with immense fear at the thought of death, and of nothing being beyond that, like you describe. But then it spirals into the absurdity of everything. The fact that I’m a sentient ape on a spinning ball just feels … nonsensical. In these moments the only thing that makes sense is for nothing to exist at all.

I try to take comfort in the fact that, as crazy as it seems, I really am a sentient ape on a spinning ball. My experiences right here, right now, prove that there is something instead of nothing. And things don’t have to make sense to me for things to be real. In fact, whatever the absolute truth of the universe is, it’s probably too complex for us to comprehend, let alone for us to figure out. Even as a Christian, I accept that large parts of my beliefs are completely wrong, or at best simplifications. Because the absolute truth is something beyond understanding.

I don’t know, saying it out loud doesn’t feel very comforting. I had a bit of an attack of existential dread typing this out. But I felt the need to share my experience with you

I've lurked HN for a long time, but finally signed up just to say thank you for this post. This kind of dread has hit me really hard over the last year or so, leading to a kind of existential anxiety/existential OCD.

Everything you've said, and your conclusions echo my thoughts almost exactly. I find myself torn between the absurdity of life and being an sentient monkey in a seemingly endless universe, and then considering the other side, infinite nothingness - or nothing existing at all. Ironically, it seems both of these absurdities have existed at some point.

All I know is that I wake up every day, and life seems to continue as it did the previous day. Channelling Occam's Razor, it seems like this must be real, as everything I experience points to that being true. Until something points to that not being the case, it makes sense to believe it. Maybe if we were a smarter species all of this would make perfect sense.

Thanks again though, I do take comfort in the fact that I'm not alone when it comes to these thoughts and feelings.

One of the very few “very odd” meditation experiences I’ve had which were not “merely relaxing” was one where I got up and immediately sensed something was different… I did sort of an internal mental inventory/inspection and with some shock realized that my entire fear of death was completely gone. And the thing I must absolutely convey is that this made me aware of a unique perspective, which is that we are all, ever-present with a fear of death, even when we don’t notice it… because EVEN THAT got taken away from me after that meditation. It was… such an odd feeling. And it wasn’t like I was going to angle for death, or anything… It was just… a sense of total peace about it.

It only lasted a few days and was honestly so jarring that it frightened me from trying meditation again for some time after

This sounds like a really interesting experience (to say the least).

Would you mind sharing your mediation experience and practices?

Thanks

Things like this help me:

Matthew 10:29-31: Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

For those of you that don't find this helpful, well, if there's nothing at the end, then there's nothing to fear. If you're gone, what use are your worries then? What use are your plans? If there's nothing, then there's no pain - you go to sleep, and that's it. (very Ecclesiastes, I know)

My own take on "existential dread" is that it could be in part the fear that "If something does come after this life, then maybe I'm not ready for it." I think that's a fear a lot of people share, regardless of their beliefs.

I don't mean to put words in your mouth, though - I'm interested to hear about what bothers people about the end.

The waves rise and fall, somehow individual yet a part of a whole. They fall back to the whole after they rise. You always were and will always be.

Thich Hanh wrote something very similar. He also compared death to the transformation of a cloud into rain: it is not an end but a transformation.

I have a very similar thing, even call it existential dread.

I ended up on anxiety medicine for something else and it has made them less frequent. Turns out they may be a sort of panic attacks

Thanks for that, I usually just lurk but that post really spoke to me. I felt the same way for some time and it's good to know im not the only one

It is all hevel, vapor. There is no sense to anything, no _meaning_ to anything. It just _is_. Eat, drink, and find satisfaction in your lot.

"The Courage to Be" by Paul Tillich is a profound analysis of this aspect of human experience and on how to relate to it. Warmly recommended.

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