I have never been screened for anxiety. Never ever. I never thought anxiety was a problem for me. I didn't know a baseline of non-anxious; I was accustomed to fidgeting and being antsy and aggressive. That was normal, right? No psychiatrist every mentioned the word to me in 30 years of treatment. Never were drugs to alleviate anxiety ever put on the table.

About four years ago, I really started listening to other clients in my clinic who suffered from who-knows-what. I learned new terminology from them and I found insights into the experience and treatment of mental illness that doctors don't help with. I spoke to one young lady about dissociation. I asked her what she meant by it, and what that's like for her. I listened to other people speak of debilitating anxiety, and panic attacks, and the sorts of drugs they took to counteract that.

I currently have a prescription for a sort of antihistamine that is supposed to treat anxiety. It works well to do that; unfortunately it also knocks me out for at least 24 hours. So if I am so anxious that I can't sleep, I will take the drug, but I need to be prepared to be asleep in bed for that long, and miss out on work, appointments, church, whatever. It's a Faustian bargain, that's for sure.