Can relate. Love and light to you

You are not alone. It takes strength to leave that situation. There was a reason you got married in the first place to this first, so the change that occurs is often shocking and unexpected. Cut your losses sooner rather than later, you'll be eternally grateful for it.

This is incredibly common and detrimental, to the point that red flags should be taught in school.

Have you brought this up with your spouse (at a good time, of course)? If you're thinking of torpedoing the relationship anyway, might as well risk offending/upsetting her.

I don't know a thing about you, but there are plenty of people (especially people who have bullied, who I suspect would be over-represented here) who aren't necessarily surrounded by toxic people but fail to advocate for themselves and communicate what they need.

If that describes you, then you're going to be "taken advantage of" by everyone, even people that don't want to have that sort of relationship.

I've become more assertive in my relationship over the last couple of years and it's done wonders. There's a guy who works for me that needs to do the same too...

Hang in there. It took me a year to even feel 'normal'. Some days are 'one foot in front of each other'.

> This has lead me into a situation where I was poached into marriage and used to fulfil another’s needs - one who does not take my own needs into account.

imo that this feeling comes up in most marriages. might be a good idea to get some third-party feedback on your reflection(s) to asses whether there is as much basis to it as your feelings suggest or if it can be worked out.

a long relationship has some value in itself, so the opportunity cost of a unneeded divorce could be huge.

Condescending requires some kind of emotional component. The above is stated in a "matter of fact" way, void of emotion.

It is clear that most people go to lengths to try and find the right partner to marry. I am sure there are exceptions, but "this first person I just ran into walking down the street will do" is not the norm. Even if the first person you ran into on the street is who you marry, there will traditionally be a vetting (i.e. dating) process first to make sure you still believe it is the right choice after closer inspection. It is safe to say that the importance of finding the right person is generally accepted as an imperative to marriage.

Will mistakes be made? Sure. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Things happen. Random chance bites everyone in some way eventually. But that doesn't mean it won't affect things.

Have you found any successful configurations that last beyond 5 years? I know multiple families destroyed by such endeavors. I would caution against the division of affection. At some point a hierarchy is established whether by intent or by necessity.