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Comment by DevKoala | Hacker News Reader

He addresses it on the post:

> Given two equally talented people, the one that pursues a goal obsessively, for well over 40 hours a week, is going to achieve more. They might be less happy and healthy, but I’m not even sure about that.

What worked for me and my current partner is being upfront about my career goals and the lengths I was willing to go to achieve them. I’ve now been in a strong relationship for 7+ years which is twice whatever I lasted with other partners who found me sometimes reserving a weekend to work/research a deal killer.

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So he’s had a string of partners leave him due to working weekends, and his “wife of 7+ years” has also now divorced him.

“It’s not that bad” says the guy leaving a trail of women in the wake of his career.

I think you are reading too much into it. All I shared is something that helped me find a partner who enjoyed who I am and understood my priorities. I was hoping to help. The advice sure would have helped me earlier in life.

Most people can’t be honest with themselves about their own goals, let alone with a potential spouse.

For example, most people’s goal is closer to “work just enough to live comfortably” than they’d like to admit, I suspect.

This is a silly point to make and discuss because the goal is not defined. If your number one goal is to build a company then other sacrifices along the way won't necessarily make you unhappy. If your goal was to maintain a happy family and that falls apart, guess what: you will not be happy.

Isn't it common for a spouse to like "6 figures" but not what it takes.

You can make lots of money working 30-35 hour weeks. Perhaps those working 60 hours a week just aren’t as clever, or haven’t found a valuable enough niche.

Or aren't as lucky, or can't afford the switch.

Like, could I make the same money for half the time if I e.g. started my own gig? Maybe. But maybe is not good enough, and with a spouse, kids and a mortgage, I can't afford to test it - it would put my family at too big of a risk.

Independent efforts always take more time. There are tons of shitty large corporations where you can clock out early.

This is one of the reasons they often start after getting fired.

But sometimes it’s something you can moonlight.

This is true. Friends who learned to delegate faster than I did and focused on the harder problems “made it” much earlier than me.

I haven’t felt attracted to someone without her own career goals since college.

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