In this instance I’m saying “nice” is just giving pleasant vibes no matter what, and being kind is being friendly and supportive but not always being nice.

If you put on clothes that don’t suit you it is nice to say that they do (because I want to keep things pleasant), but it’s kind to say something else suits you better (because I want the best for you, not to pretend everything is fine). Telling you they don’t suit you and leaving it at that is just mean: I haven’t helped you and now you feel bad.

Worth noting the etymology for kind is from “kin”, meaning family. Family should want the best for you, and frame things in a way that can help you, even if they are telling you things that might not be pleasant.

We need more kinship in modern life. Less “honesty”.

I think there's a popular blog post that kicked it off.

"My car broke down"

"Oh that is so bad! I really feel for you!"

New York = Kind.

"My car broke down"

"Well I guess I have to drive your broke ass to work now"

For example, if I worked on your team, and always gave harsh PR feedback, I wouldn't be nice, but if I always sent feedback to your manager after you fixed up the PRs, saying how rigorous you were in your followups, and how good your code is, I'd be kind.

On the other hand, if I always gave you positive feedback on good things you did in the code, didn't call out nits in your code, I'd probably be nice. If months later I went back and looked at your codebase and it was a mess due to lots of little things adding up and told your manager you coded poorly, then I wouldn't be kind.