Maybe OP should take his laptop and go work at Quark's since Quark and OP have similar management ideologies.
Rules of Acquisition #211: "Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them."
I am going to send one of the employees out to find the fanciest bucket they can for my office right now, where I will display it as a symbol of how we, the founders, are special (new rule - no other buckets allowed in the office).