I've been on projects where the team has re-invented an ORM organically, and I've never seen it go well. Likewise with projects that are ORM 'purest', bending themselves over backwards to use an ORM for a query that can't easily be represented by whatever query syntax it has.
This is why I still think 'lite' weight ORMs are the best of both worlds since they usually have a pretty good experience for common/easy queries but then when things get tricky, it is best to just use SQL and map to an app language data structure for the results. I mostly use OrmLite [0] in dotnet and have found it has a balance that done well by me for years (note I now work at ServiceStack who built OrmLite).
[0] https://docs.servicestack.net/ormlite/ormlite-apis#query-exa...
site creator here - yeah this is the approach i'm taking now. the ORM is useful for sure and there's still a benefit to using it, but anything that needs to read from a few different tables, i'm definitely going with raw SQL
Writing queries is easy part. Maintaining that thing is the hard part.
Even if I'd run a database operation just on a local machine and it takes 100x more load than an optimized SQL query, I still care. It's craftsmanship.
Sounds like you may have a case of the abstraction disease. You keep reaching for abstractions that never accomplish the actual benefits of a truly solid abstraction.