Thanks! "Agency" hits it. I often feel like I'm a passenger in my own life, like it's just passing by in front of my eyes like a movie. Like I'm this small entity sitting in my brain just observing what's happening.

I am planning to take out a few months after the PhD to do something crazy. Like hike New Zealand top to bottom, or US east to west road trip or living a couple months in a small Italian seaside town or Pacific island to decompress from society, or become truly conscious about our society (visit all the places that support our society like waste plants, sewers, drinking water plants, electricity plants, farmers, distribution centres, ports, mass food production centres, clothing factories, oil refineries, paper factories, etc.).