> I also grew up in a dysfunctional family environment (toxic parent relationship, some narcissistic/borderline traits in them) and have been struggling with the consequences of that on my development and mental health.

I know what you mean here. Victims of narcissistic abuse often become vulnerable narcissists and codependents, deferring their own needs for those of others until the damage becomes too great to ignore.

You didn't mention what psych books you read so I will suggest Games People Play by Eric Berne.