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Comment by KindAndFriendly | Hacker News Reader

Yes. Dating - especially in SFBay - is painful. On multiple first dates I got asked about my TTC.

Imho the key is to be persistent. To go on more dates even though the last dozens dates were rather disappointing. Good luck everyone!

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Searching TTC in Google:

1) Toronto Transit Commission

2) Trying To Conceive

3) Total Target Compensation

My guess is a typo and they just meant TC (Total Compensation; their base salary + any bonus/stock)

Urban dictionary gave me text the cell and Tyler the creator.

Probably 3

I'm sitting here just trying to imagine a first date conversation where one person asks the other what their total comp is. I guess, having been on only one or two dates in my life, that bringing up questions like that would normally be a red flag and would be something most dates would not ask (on a first, second, or even third date). Even if not intentional, it signals all sorts of things about a person. If you want to know more about things like this, it's easier to work stuff into a conversation, to see if (for example) they spend a lot of money, and if that's problematic.

Trick in SF is to not be a software developer. I've gotten far batter results being a jobless homeless guy living out of his car than being a software developer at $BIG_CO living in a big pad making low single `N` digit 1/N MM/yr. Variety is the spice of life or something idk.

To each their own and I respect your approach. For me personally, trying to find a (life) partner by presenting some false facts in the very first sentence they read about me feels not exactly right.

To clarify, I am a jobless homeless guy living out of my car. I quit BIGTECH a while back.

And this is with regard to in-person interactions. I've found the best way to find people who like doing what you do is to go do it and see who's there. If you use an app you're likely to just find people who like using apps.

So what you're saying is, set your profile to match with people who want to live in a Yurt somewhere in rural Oregon and grow organic cannabis for a living?

I don't know about profiles, sorry. That was with regard to in-person interactions.

Nobody is perfect. If this is the only thing that bothers you, then answer something like "I make enough to live a comfortable life, I can't complain", or some other generic stuff like that.

I’d read that more as a commentary on the women he’s attracting. If one asked me my TTC, especially on a first date, I’d absolutely not just give a generic answer. I’d have no further interest in the kind of person who would ask that question.

I wouldn't haste to be so judgmental. Sure, you can say that someone who inquires about how much you earn is a gold digger.

But you can also look at it as a potential co-founder of your startup (we are on HN, so I think this metaphor is not inappropriate). The startup is the family, and the business idea is to raise your children. You both bring something to the table. Just like in a startup some founder bring technical chops and other business acumen, here both partners have something to offer. Capability to provide for the kids is important. If you can't provide, then the startup will end up in failure. Why risk that?

I guess it depends on what you're looking for. You're right; if the family is the priority, and the partner is important to the degree that they're competent to fulfil their role in the family, then starting the conversation with what each side can bring to the table makes sense. But that feels too...transactional for me.

And definitely a lot like a job interview!

> On multiple first dates I got asked about my TTC.

When you respond, asking them what theirs is first before you'll share yours... how does that go? :)

Are you sure you're not just being catfished by companies seeking to learn competitor salaries?

Wow!

I've fortunately been out of the dating scene for decades now, but I think my response to something like that would be to say something like "I'm sorry. I didn't realize this was going to be a business transaction" and terminate the date.

> my TTC

Total (target) compensation

I seriously thought it was the conceive one and that didn’t seem odd to me given the example in the news article. But yes, asking about desired income like that sounds weird. Isn’t that sales terminology?

I think it's a fairly Bay Area-heavy term, as many startups prefer to pay out in equity over cash. I read an article about the site called Blind, where it is not uncommon to demand "TC or GTFO," or something to that effect.

if they're interrogating you using salesperson jargon, that may be someone to avoid

this is normally said out loud as "total comp", not "TTC", and if initialized, is almost always "TC".

There are entire categories of jobs that don't even use that terminology.

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