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Comment by itake | Hacker News Reader

Guys also just don't want to go to bars. Even in my 20s, "going out" always felt like a chore that I had to do to find a partner.

Approaching girls in public has high social consequences. I've read enough reddit [0][1][2] or seen enough news articles about people banned from businesses because a guy was seen as creepy.

Men need to learn what is ok and not ok when communicating with women. This is already an challenge because what is ok with one woman is not ok with another. Add in the shifting society view of what is appropriate turns it into an impossible task.

It just seems safer to do nothing and wait for the girl to make the first move.

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> Approaching girls in public has high social consequences.

My read on it is that, like cold calling and door-to-door sales, this is a skill. You can be naturally good at it, you can develop it, or you can be self-aware that you suck at it and do something else.

As someone who has met all his partners in places other than bars/tinder and without any dramatic public approaches like what you're describing I would say that it's important to keep in mind that there are plenty of ways you will meet people. Obsessing over the ways that you won't meet people is counterproductive.

I get it’s a skill you need to develop, but women and society are not forgiving to low skill people.

If you mess up, you could lose your job, kicked out of your social safety net, or lose access to your favorite business.

> It just seems safer to do nothing and wait for the girl to make the first move.

For the most part girls will not do this. Any woman who has ever dated men eventually learns that if a man is interested he'll make it known and if you have to chase him he's not interested. For that reason most eventually give up on making the first move because those situations never go anywhere, whereas when men make the first move they do. It's not necessarily fair but it's the typical dynamic so waiting around for girls to make the first move is very unlikely to work out in your favor. Also, the thing about men being creepy for approaching is very overblown online. In real life as long as you're pleasant and polite and willing to take no for an answer most women will be happy and gracious if you approach them. Go for it!

Creepy just means unattractive

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