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Huh? OP has basic needs covered, isn't in direct threat of being deported, can we please not subtley reinforce the made-up things that trigger identity crisises in these types of folks?
Like I get it, it's HN, so half the answers are going to be some highly ignorant advice to just double down on the self-imposed identity crisis, but can we please just not?
OP, you are worthy of love and respect, regardless of your employment status. And you are worthy of your own love and self-respect. I think you have valid reasons why getting employed is challenging for you, but I would encourage you to take solace in other parts of your identity that you are proud of.
> Contemporary husbands face higher risk of divorce when they do not fulfill the stereotypical breadwinner role
You may be worthy of love and respect regardless of your employment status but that isn't what happens in real life.
If the response to this is "well I better embrace my identity as a man who only has worth via a job and deserving of love in exchange for money"... then yeah, /r/arethestraightsokay ?
Sometimes I just wish I could instill a sense of "this is YOUR life, your ONLY life" for others the way I've embraced in my late-20s. So many people barreling faster and faster ahead to avoid any examination of their actual relationship to happiness. And then the masses to give excuses for why an unexamined life is unavoidable (lest they consider their own).
It's perfectly normal for men to earn less than their SO. Statistically it would be the case in 50% of couples, in an ideal world with gender equality.
Also, in any relationship, there will be moments where one person is out of work and dependent on the other (laid off, take care of kids, take care of parents, burnout, etc).
But it's not the only way. You simply need to be able to show up, follow through on your commitments, and be a value add for your partner's life. Many find that money is the most natural way to do that, but it's far from the only model.
And gasp, yes, younger generations are absolutely seeing men taking time off and relying on the woman's income. You know, open conversations, open-mindedness about "gender roles", openness about alternative lifestyles other than the clearly-so-successful straight monogamous couple with 2.5 children and a picket fence. Turns out happiness looks different to folks that have a genuine choice and exposure to alternative lifestyles.
I honestly just can't with this stuff -- I forget what it's like going from gay/queer spaces back to straight world. Y'all get hung up on the absolute silliest, most sexist, unfair stuff that ironically is actually a serious issue worth consideration in the grand scheme of advocating for men.
I got a similar answer from a fellow student when I got rejected from a master's program on a technicality and was asking how to appeal, "you're not good enough." Well I got a job instead, and that guy's arrogance gave him -$50K, 2 years gone, and graduation during a horrible job market.
The partner has already a job in the country... so would both leave to another country where none of them have a job yet? Also perhaps OP doesn't speak spanish?