it's a slightly poetic and roundabout way of saying "This website will sell you some funny toys and some slightly radioactive stuff [like uranium ore, i guess, from previous comments]. "By the way, remember when the US invaded Iraq because we claimed they had stuff which is [allegedly, maybe, i dunno] remarkably similar to what you can order as a gift from this website?"
A "secret santa" is a gift giving tradition where you pool a group of people together and each person gets the name of someone and buys them a Christmas gift (generally within some price range) but they don't know who bought them the gift. So it's an opportunity to buy joke-gifts for someone you aren't particularly close to, if you happen to draw their name.