What age are you talking about?
To be clear, we were strict up until the pandemic when we let things slide. Then all the friends were on messenger and if that's the only source of socializing, well ok. We didn't have YT on the tablet, but through ad clicking she discovered it would sometimes open in the browser, then she just figured out how the browser works.
I'd say there was close to a year of virtually unfettered access, up to 2 hours a day, always simultaneously with Messenger Kids for chatting/calling friends.
Cutting off was tough, but it happened over the holidays so we all took a full digital diet, and it gave the opportunity to gently introduce the concept of addiction
Ultimately, as you have learned, your child will circumvent your restrictions. You could go ahead and teach them how to be safe, or you could let them fall unprepared into monster-infested waters.
I'm not going to presume your age but at least when I was growing up, the internet was more like a giant flea market: you go in, and yes there could be things that might be bad or useless or creepy or diddly, and you really learn where the quality stuff is by poking around. Internet then was very analogous to going out into the real world where you learn risk through experience and can walk away. With the walled gardens we have today?... it's more like dropping an open kilo of cocaine in front your kid, saying "you can snort it, smoke it, shove it under a toenail, put it on your wee-wee and it will make you feel good for a bit, but then really, really, really bad. So be careful" then turning on a fan pointed in their direction as you walk out of the room... Everyone working on user engagement at FB, TikTok, Insta and the rest, they know how to keep you on with dopamine hits. The second a kid logs in, the hyperoptimization forces the most addictive, useless crap in their suggestions or feed no matter what their search is, such as the box opening junk, or mash-ups that don't have anything but popular characters giggling for 2 minutes, and it gets weird in a hurry [0]. And no matter how hard you try, there are always more suggestions that take you into a corner of dopamine hits than quality information, and it's very difficult to tell the difference. It's unavoidable, and to say "just let them learn the dangers" just tells me you need to observe a kid while they navigate (it always ends in a sinkhole) or one who just put the tablet down. I'm not going to presume your life experience, but I know someone who's jonesing for a hit when I see one.
I highly recommend you try setting up fake child accounts (minimum age, or if you want the full experience, set up a Family Link and say you're 8) on YouTube, TikTok, and the rest. There is no chance for a learning curve, there is no chance for evaluation. It's just immediate click-and-addict.
These are the new cigarette companies and I'm treating them as such. In my case, we're learning as we go along. So she can use the laptop for writing (podcast scripts, stories and essays), research for school and any activities/hobby with one of us in the room to help with tips and, as we put it, help to make sure the algorithm doesn't short-circuit her brain), and introduce her to coding by making her own Roblox games (played locally). The tablet is for listening to podcasts and recording her own episodes/thoughts and there are good drawing apps.
As to how we're going to approach things moving forward... Awareness is key but at least with drugs you can say no and not ingest. When she's in high school, just saying no is probably not a viable option, so we're still figuring out and trying to learn what works for others.
[0] Video is 5 years old, and the weirder did is probably gone, but the gaming the algo is still valid https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LKp2gikIkD8
Obviously they can just set up their own fake FB account and lie about their age (which frankly I already told her to never sign up to anything with any real information) but the rest of their friends need to as well for it to be of any use. At this age, we're not there yet
I understand why parents let their children lie in order to avoid social exclusion. Kids can be very cliquey and being excluded hurts.
I counseled my children that it is immoral to misrepresent yourself to someone in order to get them to give you something they otherwise would not (or are prohibited by law from doing so). I still remember my (now 24 year old) daughter gleefully signing up for Facebook on the morning of her 13th birthday.
Same issue with WhatsApp for example, but it's pretty much a requirement to have any social life after first grade over here. Also there is no way for anyone except a parent to report an underage WA user, so there are no repercussions.
Once you give permission, it's free reign
If you are considered as targeting your product to children, you get hit by a different set of laws than if it's an "adult" product.
Source: I just spent a few hours listening to our lawyer give a presentation about this and why we need to be clear in marketing to adults only.
Epic got hit with a $245M fine because they were seen as marketing to kids (along with other crap): https://www.ftc.gov/business-guidance/blog/2022/12/245-milli...
Other apps like FB, TikTok, XBox and the rest that no child should go near (or anyone else for that matter) gives a prompt with something along the lines of "Ask your parents for permission". If I say OK, either from my account or by logging in on hers, the app is installed and can be used, even though her profile is under 13. They don't market to kids, but it's still available and still shows up in search.
It would be great if these legal actions do show real restriction for all apps that are rated 13-over, but then no more tablets for kids. That's going to cost manufacturers and ad-driven apps a ton of money so I don't see it happening outside of the FCC going directly after Apple and Google.
Source: I have a kid with an age-restricted tablet and just tested
When I was a kid, knowing what year to put in a DOB form to put yourself safely over 18 y.o. was the most basic "Internet 101" life skill, second only to knowing where to type a website address.
Almost got me once - my wife left her phone unlocked so my kid opened WA and wrote me a message asking to lift the time restriction for the rest of the day. Her mistake was sending an extra "thank you so much" with heart emoji, which I though was off. If not for that misstep she would have got me.
Obviously she was rewarded and we listened to one of the Darknet Diaries episodes on social engineering
If your child has their own tablet set to their age, sure, but I know plenty of people who just let the kids use Mom's iPad