One medicine that addresses both is a moving away from outcome based thinking and focus on performance.
Ask "did I try my best", opposed to "did I get what I want"
Ask "did I try my best", opposed to "did I get what I want"
I find deckbuilding games to be decent examples of this. At relatively close skill levels a bad draw can be the difference between winning and losing. It still takes a certain level of introspection to figure that out. Almost all elementary-school aged kids will conflate success with skill, even in games that are pure chance.
I've seen a lot people personally who get stuck in a loop of trying and failing. Each time they'll say to themselves 'I did my best' but a result based framework would have told them 'what you did didn't work and you need to try something _different_ next time'.
People should totally inspect their efforts and methods in light of their successes and failures. This is how you learn and improve. Your best is not merely how much effort and sweat you put into something, but also your thoughts and methods.
I will admit just this once that maybe I too readily tell myself that I did my best. Sometimes. Often? Please have this message self destruct in one hour.
Im not saying dont have goals or desires. Im not saying to ignore if you succeed or fail either- that is important data and part of learning.
To me - Trying my best means looking back to identify things I know I could have done better with more dedication. Could I have done better with the knowledge and tools I had.
>By using the word best there, it becomes yet another goal.
This is kinda the point. Doing your best becomes a goal in of itself. You have 100% control over it and get the satisfaction of meeting it, independent of if you meet your other goals or not. It builds self respect