Meanwhile, I go through life wondering if I borrowed $20 from someone and forgot to pay them back for months and kinda hope they would just say something if I did.
I'm sure most people don't care about it as much as I do, but I have this deep-seated need to make sure I'm as square with as many people as I can be and I expect the same from everyone else. It's not just about being owed, it's about owing, too. I wish I knew where it came from. I wish I was better about just letting it go.
I am, or rather used to be, quite similar. Now I am much more relaxed, as I think I understand better what a gift is. It is free and comes ideally with no strings attached. Otherwise it is an transaction. And it is a bad idea, to mix them up. My default is to consider a gift as a gift and nothing more.
I just give and take freely.
If you think too much about it, it can destroy a lot.
Also, there is more than money. Maybe the one guy bought more rounds, but then he unloaded his problems on the others. Or not. So what? Life is not a balance sheet, that needs to sum up. But if you try to make it one, you might find the joy is getting lost somewhere in those numbers.
Some therapists like specific goals like this, for fixed periods of time. Doesn't have to be open ended. Spend X weeks working through the challenges of letting this go.
Same. I sometimes ask my friends to tell me if they think I owe them anything. I try to keep things in mind, but I much prefer to hear if I forgot something than let the relationship detoriate.
I'd rather just give money or buy meals now and then rather than have complicated obligations.