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Dudes on a cycle with big red swollen faces and gynecomastia aren't going to run 8 minute miles. HGH maybe but that's a different class of PED for different reasons.

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This is an extremely naive understanding of how anabolic steroids work. Side effects such as the two you've listed here — respectively: upregulation of the RAAS pathway causing increased blood pressure and sodium retention, and a failure to include an aromatase inhibitor to prevent the conversion of testosterone to estrogens — are relatively rare, especially to a degree where they'd be highly visible.

Also, an 8 minute mile is not a particularly high bar to clear and with the increased work capacity granted by basically every single popular steroid (funnily enough, HGH would probably not confer immediate/direct benefits in this scenario in the same way that less exotic PEDs could) it would be trivial for most users to do with little to no preparation.

Sorry for being unclear: the roided up and jacked cops are one problem. The overweight ones are another. The former are more likely to have problematic attitudes (specifically: roid rage) than the latter, which your proposed physical fitness test would not catch. And I'm noting that you might be surprised about the level of aerobic fitness in some fat people (the latter).

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