the 2000s were a lawless hellscape of chumba wumba, shrek and apple stores where you had to have core strength to consume the product. the average apple employee had to be resilient enough to withstand half a dozen yoga balls per shift fired at terminal velocity from the endless batallions of corpulent arse fitted to cloistered exurban trophy wives who only want and consume. during the holidays it was a bloodbath of fat slippery arses embiggened in so much wetzel pretzel butter from the seldom sanitized food court catapulting plastic denizens of futurism into unsuspecting children and macbooks alike. these corporate wardogs also had to be savvy ebough to explain in plain english that 2000 era maps would inevitably plunge the family truckster off a cliff if given half a chance, and that the iphone 1 had to be charged six times a day for the privilege of flexing on karen bakowdkis shotty latke recipe in real-ish time.