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Comment by revscat | Hacker News Reader

I just wish I had someone to talk to. This year, like last year, and the year before, and the year before… I spend it alone, hating myself for being the unlovable mass of fat and depression that I am.

It’s just be nice if one night a year I could pretend not to be me, to pretend that there are people who have warm feelings towards me, who will not lock me up in a mental institution and then block me on everything from SMS to Discord for reasons I do not understand.

I guess I pay can some psychological expert to tell me what to do. That’s what most advice I see seems to lean towards. Just… that doesn’t really help on Christmas Eve when the only human contact you had was with the UberEats driver who dropped off a double quarter pounder and fried apple pie.

Honestly, I got two. It’s Christmas Eve after all.

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If you want to be around people, you might try going to midnight mass at your local Catholic church. You don't have to participate or talk to anyone and you might enjoy the music. If you are not a church person, then doing something you never do may also give you the sense of not being yourself for a time.

I know this is an unpopular opinion, but this is a niche that "sex workers" fill very well. As someone who has had many friends who were "sex workers" for decades (strippers mostly), I can tell you that a very large portion (approaching 50%) of the people who paid them for their time didn't want a lap dance, or to have sex with them. They just wanted to be held, or wanted to talk, or wanted some sort of intimacy that was otherwise lacking in their lives. Obviously this is not a replacement for a "real" intimate relationship, but it seems to be very desirable compared to the alternative, which is complete solitude and loneliness. In our atomized society, you shouldn't feel any sort of stigma about paying for temporary companionship that fulfills your basic human needs, even if conventional wisdom says that you should.

I escorted for a while in my late teens, about ten years ago now. It's complicated. Lonely, emotionally vulnerable men are not necessarily able to keep the relationship in context. I personally wouldn't recommend patronizing sex workers as a remedy. Too likely to fall in love and get bilked for it.

Fellow loner here. It's tough, and some years are harder than others. May we never lose hope entirely and/or give up. Miracles do happen every now and then!

Ordinarily I'd volunteer to chat but at the moment my social anxiety is so severe I don't think I can have a private conversation with a stranger.

I've read your comment and am thinking of you. I don't know how much that helps, but maybe it makes you feel less alone.

One thing to note is that you aren't unlovable, even if there's an absence of love directed at you. So much of life is based on the circumstances we're in. Contemporary life gives people few opportunities to be truly known, and so I think it's hard to conclude that anybody has seen and rejected your true self, for better or worse. You sound like a rather tenacious person, and I am hoping it pays off for you in the year to come.

I’m happy to chat if you want. Standard disclaimer than I am just a dude with no training in either psychiatry or psychology or, for that matter, in being a good conversationalist. But if all you need is an open ear and an open mind, I’m here.

Thank you, but I’m not so selfish as to want to burden anyone with my bullshit. Some people get to have families. Some don’t. I’m ok with it most days. Today is just harder.

I promise it isn’t a burden. I’m home alone all weekend; my family is all hundreds or thousands of miles away. I truly would love to talk. Email is in the bio. :)

Sorry that you're feeling down buddy.

Hoping you have a better 2023 and are able to look back on this comment this time next year and appreciate all the progress you've made.

Were all counting on you.

If you are not comfortable talking with someone else because you do not want to burden them then you may wana record what you wana share and post as podcast or any other medium where we can listen and post comment or at-least you would know listening to you.

Hang in there brother. Tomorrow will bring the promise of better days. Ask and you will receive.

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