Tell HN: Everyone should have a holiday dinner this year

Currently in Melbourne Australia having been dropped right in it by a friend who said I could rent their place while they're on holiday and then they changed their mind last minute yesterday, leaving me suddenly homeless on Christmas Eve. Currently in a park on Christmas day a three hour train ride away, because I had nothing else to do and rides are free today. Thanks for your post, it really cheered me up on a Christmas Day unexpectedly spent totally on my own, half a world away from family. Peace

Please promise you have a place to stay. Happy to put you up somewhere if it will help. You have my email. :)

I'll be cool thanks for your offer. I slept on the couches in a lobby of a swish hotel last night then got on a train at 7am. Hotels here are super expensive so I'm just going to wing it until I can get a room share next week or try and reschedule my flight out of here without it costing a small fortune.

Please don't let cost be a barrier. I'd much rather know you have a place to stay. There are plenty of resources here to make sure you're not on the streets on an ostensble vacation. You have my contact info. Be safe!

Thank you cool dude. What's funny is that this trip was a treat to myself because I came in to some money this year, but I've been poor my whole adult life and now spending it frivolously even for a room for the night almost causes me visceral pain. Thanks for your support and offer to help. "it'll be right" as they say out here in Oz.

For what's worth, I simpatise with the "spending any money causes me visceral pain" feeling, even though I've been earning a comfortable amount for some years now.

I'm from Melbourne - Forget hotels, you can stay in a great hostel for USD$39 (AU$59) a night here, which is very affordable, and an amazing way to meet people. Don't be afraid of dorms, I've literally had the best times of my life backpacking the world and staying in dorms. Here's a hostel in St Kilda I'd recommend that's $39USD/$59AUD a night for a 10 bed dorm (which isn't too big, avoid huge dorms >18 people) https://www.hostelworld.com/pwa/hosteldetails.php/Nomads-For...

You will get more than accommodation. You will be welcomed in to a group of young travelers from all over the world who are looking to seize the day.

I would second this - I've had some incredible times in such places. I've put up a few other people in hostels tonight and expect a few more might take me up on the offer before end of day tomorrow. I understand not wanting to be a drain on resources, but it is very cheap and I'd feel much better knowing you've got a roof over your head.

I really really hate hostels to be honest. I actually lived in Melbs for a couple of years in the past and have an Aussie ex wife too. I used to live in Middle Park (of all places) and so going and staying in a dorm in St Kilda just isn't my idea of a fun time right now. Can appreciate I'm in a bit of a strange place but I'm in some kind of middle ground between tourist and resident, and the days of entertaining ideas of dorms are well behind me.

Edit: but that said, thanks for the tip. I realise I'm being diva-ish so I'll give it some thought. Would likely have a good time there. Just still sad at being stiched up for someone's kicks at Christmas.

That's fair. Sounds like your friend really hung you out to dry. Sorry to read about your experience these holidays, and hope you find a way to turn it around. Merry Christmas!

I have been homeless in Melbourne too. Rent market there is a bitch to get into. I had usd30k in my Account, but no home as no one wanted to rent out to a single young male.

University was no help either. Got Lucky and met some hosts at a party.

Yeah, familiar with this phenomenon.

I'm curious about the party story

Went to a houseparty with classmates from my MBA. Somebody kthere was going home and leaving Australia after graduation. So his room was available. Little sis I know that the appartment housed two gorgeous Colombian girls whom I had an absolute ball with the coming year.

The situation went from shitty to really good.

I don't think I could replicate that again.

Out of curiosity, why were the reluctant to rent to a single young male? Is there an Australian stigma against renting to that demographic?

From my experience in Melbourne and in the major EU cities, the primary reasons for this I learned from landlords are:

- They prefer tenants willing to lease for longer time-frames, single young males are very likely to relocate rather quick.

- Single young males are less likely to take good care of the apartment.

- A working couple has a better financial stability.

Hmm, that makes sense. Unfortunate though.

In the US there are supposed to be equal opportunity housing and landlords aren't supposed to discriminate like that, but of course it's hard to prove or enforce and many do anyway...

Wait why don't they want to rent out to single young male?

Just totally curious.

Party house. Or at least that's the theory.

Yes this. And or that they do not feel co.fortable having another man in the house (for when it is a Studio rental in a larger house or when it is an established shared flat.

I posted a longer variant of this to friends on Facebook, but please remember a saying that social media merely shows people's "highlight reels", not their day-to-day life.

More than ever, people are struggling. Please do not attribute any weakness or negative quality to yourself if you are struggling yourself - you are among millions.

And do not feel there's necessarily any strength in "keeping it to yourself." Many people are letting that build to unsustainable levels inside themselves. Be honest with a friend that you are struggling. If, for the moment, you are without friends, you will find that there are anonymous people who do care about you on Discords, chat rooms.

Or on the end of a hotline. You don't necessarily have to have active plans of suicide to call a suicide hotline. A lot of the time, some people who kill themselves have deep apathy about life right up until a moment.

I'll be honest that I am one of those struggling. I am not actively suicidal - I may possibly have some passive suicidal ideation (certainly the apathy and some lack of emotion) - but I am fortunate enough to have a good therapist. It is merely that I've lost a lot of people and gone through a tremendous amount of difficult change in the last year.

My maxim in life has been this: at the worst of times, just take the next step forward. That's all you have to worry about, that one next step. They build up.

Good luck to everyone here in 2023 with those challenges you find yourself facing. Don't feel as if you are excluded from the human race by your struggles. You are facing variants of what we are all facing.

I just wish I had someone to talk to. This year, like last year, and the year before, and the year before… I spend it alone, hating myself for being the unlovable mass of fat and depression that I am.

It’s just be nice if one night a year I could pretend not to be me, to pretend that there are people who have warm feelings towards me, who will not lock me up in a mental institution and then block me on everything from SMS to Discord for reasons I do not understand.

I guess I pay can some psychological expert to tell me what to do. That’s what most advice I see seems to lean towards. Just… that doesn’t really help on Christmas Eve when the only human contact you had was with the UberEats driver who dropped off a double quarter pounder and fried apple pie.

Honestly, I got two. It’s Christmas Eve after all.

Hang in there brother. Tomorrow will bring the promise of better days. Ask and you will receive.

I’m happy to chat if you want. Standard disclaimer than I am just a dude with no training in either psychiatry or psychology or, for that matter, in being a good conversationalist. But if all you need is an open ear and an open mind, I’m here.

Thank you, but I’m not so selfish as to want to burden anyone with my bullshit. Some people get to have families. Some don’t. I’m ok with it most days. Today is just harder.

I promise it isn’t a burden. I’m home alone all weekend; my family is all hundreds or thousands of miles away. I truly would love to talk. Email is in the bio. :)

Fellow loner here. It's tough, and some years are harder than others. May we never lose hope entirely and/or give up. Miracles do happen every now and then!

Ordinarily I'd volunteer to chat but at the moment my social anxiety is so severe I don't think I can have a private conversation with a stranger.

If you want to be around people, you might try going to midnight mass at your local Catholic church. You don't have to participate or talk to anyone and you might enjoy the music. If you are not a church person, then doing something you never do may also give you the sense of not being yourself for a time.

I've read your comment and am thinking of you. I don't know how much that helps, but maybe it makes you feel less alone.

One thing to note is that you aren't unlovable, even if there's an absence of love directed at you. So much of life is based on the circumstances we're in. Contemporary life gives people few opportunities to be truly known, and so I think it's hard to conclude that anybody has seen and rejected your true self, for better or worse. You sound like a rather tenacious person, and I am hoping it pays off for you in the year to come.

I know this is an unpopular opinion, but this is a niche that "sex workers" fill very well. As someone who has had many friends who were "sex workers" for decades (strippers mostly), I can tell you that a very large portion (approaching 50%) of the people who paid them for their time didn't want a lap dance, or to have sex with them. They just wanted to be held, or wanted to talk, or wanted some sort of intimacy that was otherwise lacking in their lives. Obviously this is not a replacement for a "real" intimate relationship, but it seems to be very desirable compared to the alternative, which is complete solitude and loneliness. In our atomized society, you shouldn't feel any sort of stigma about paying for temporary companionship that fulfills your basic human needs, even if conventional wisdom says that you should.

I escorted for a while in my late teens, about ten years ago now. It's complicated. Lonely, emotionally vulnerable men are not necessarily able to keep the relationship in context. I personally wouldn't recommend patronizing sex workers as a remedy. Too likely to fall in love and get bilked for it.

Sorry that you're feeling down buddy.

Hoping you have a better 2023 and are able to look back on this comment this time next year and appreciate all the progress you've made.

Were all counting on you.

If you are not comfortable talking with someone else because you do not want to burden them then you may wana record what you wana share and post as podcast or any other medium where we can listen and post comment or at-least you would know listening to you.

If you’re near Detroit and need dinner tomorrow. Email me. graham@eger.dev will drop off food no questions asked.

You're awesome!

Seconded!

This won't be an understatement to say that atdrummond, who posted this, make Christmas for me and my family possible. If you need help, do not hesitate to reach out!

I'm really thankful for their help. It's a joy to see there are kind people like this.

I am simply glad I could help. Thank you for your resilience and for being a good provider for your family and friends.

If you’re in the South Bay Area and need dinner tomorrow send me an email and I’ll drop it off! cedricbosch at gmail

This was moving. I read it aloud to my family. You’re a blessing, and I appreciate your generosity and kindness.

I genuinely enjoy this community!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays all!

"Great initiative, but the homeless probably need to stay out of the cold more then anything else today..."

Saw this comment shadowbanned. Just so you know - I agree. I am more than willing to (and already have) help with shelter.

Greetings from Kyiyv, Ukraine!

I'm near to ok now, but will not refuse help, wrote to Your email.

Merry Christmas!

I wrote back earlier - reply to me and we’ll sort something out for you.

Very kind and generous of you. This is a wonderful community here at HN! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you as well.

HN has the best content, best moderation, and best community on the web. I love this place. Happy holidays everyone.

Tell me you know the true meaning of Christmas, without telling me you know the true meaning of Christmas.

I could use a few less dinners, in my doctor's opinion. Too bad for her :)

Great initiative, but the homeless probably need to stay out of the cold more then anything else today...

I am happy to provide whatever is required by them to ensure they are taken care of for the holidays.

A wonderful message. All the best, everyone. I wish you all a safe, happy, and healthy holidays.

I don’t have much, but if anyone needs some company in Seattle - please let me know.

What a wonderful though! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you too.

rent and electricity both bounced for me this month. as i spend christmas alone, i had some paté and instant cake mix for christmas eve lol.

Please let me know if I can help. Here for you!

Kudos to you for this. I hope your generosity makes a difference for someone who needs it this holiday season.

Just the message means a lot :)

HN is awesome, and so are you, OP.