Would easily pay USPS money to:

1. Throw all standard mail to the trash (std mail is almost 100% ads/junk) 2. An option to decide online if I want certain first class mail delivered or shredded before it even arrives. 3. Option to scan documents and send to me electronically, saving me the hassle to deal with physical mail

And the drugs! They can't open packages without a warrant; UPS and Fedex can.

But really, I use USPS whenever I (rarely) ship things. Patriotism!