I think you might be underestimating yourself slightly.
I'm something of an incel; not so much about sex, but incapable of emotionally bonding to people in general. And at least it seems most people are able to pick up rather quickly on the fact that there's something fundamentally wrong with me, and understandably distance themselves.
A destitute cripple can still function as a person that other people can enjoy; an ability to empathize, or an enjoyment of company of others is something I think most people have, including you. Some capability of being able to understand, connect, and respond to others.
So please don't put yourself down too much if you have at least that much ability. It seems as if you're still just a normal decent person at the end of the day.
Often other people are not good at telling you what you need to do to get there though.
I don’t have the slightest clue what you look like, but if you have an able body, I promise you I’d trade however you look for the functionality of your body. Seriously, I miss being able to participate in real life so much. I’d gladly become whatever you think a “2” is for a working body.
I’m lucky I live in a country where sex work is legal. Otherwise I might still feel suicidal.
I don’t think internet advice or trying to show people how they aren’t that bad of is helpful or even appropriate for HN. Just say “I’m sorry it hasn’t worked out for you”.
Anyway, does your target market want a guy with a house and job? That’s what first gen immigrants want. (Or what second-gen’s parents want, which matters too.) The local middle class want that to be assumed and you actually appear to spend all your time on volunteering and hobbies.
It’s not that important though. The real part is keeping the relationship going, not finding it.
Also, have you seen Pete Davidson? He looks like a drowned rat.
In particular, taller women don’t care.
Do that and practice talking to women, and then you're attractive.
Some of the guys I know who get the most women are not particularly handsome at all, they just do a lot of talking to women and thus are good at leading the conversion to where it needs to go.
I'm sure you are aware of a subculture of men who go out in town to meet women. All they're doing is practicing a lot.
I’m also like, 5’6”, but with my posture, probably look 5’5”. I think if you were perhaps 5’2” as a male, I may slightly sympathize with you & the stigma surrounding male height, but I’ve still met more than a few dudes that short who do just fine.
When you say you’re not attractive that really does nothing for anybody trying to give you advice. Do you have a hideously deformed face from a birth defect or accident? Okay, if so, that’s understandable.
Are you morbidly obese? Okay, if so, that’s understandable - & highly likely to be a personal choice of yours that can be changed within a year.
Otherwise, seriously, I just don’t get it.
If you have a stereotypically ugly face, it really doesn’t matter if you otherwise have decent posture, the other stuff I listed, & some form of job. As cringey as it sounds, it’s otherwise just your mindset. & yeah, I’ve met plenty of people who don’t want to accept or acknowledge this is the reason, or even slightly want to change it. If you don’t want to help yourself, nobody in this world can help you.
& fwiw & the last I’ll comment on it - the thing that gets the most people approaching me, the very last hobby of mine my body barely lets me do, is a style of skateboarding. So if you’re down so bad, maybe try that.
Before that, it was practically… every hobby. This is why I truly genuinely state one interesting hobby. Doing hobby level work in a machine shop/maker space & after hours math meetups in college were probably the other two biggest attractors in my past life. Even hiking works, man. & you don’t even have to like it in the slightest… just pretend you do.
@astrange - thanks for your comment, I saw as I was writing this out & it really hits home more than anything I can further ramble about. I do not know what goes through the minds of those who do not understand this very simple thing.
Women of all ages look at height, though. So, if you are over 6', you can consider yourself extremely lucky, people are literally breaking their bone legs with a surgery to grow a few inches.
About being lanky. I was also very skinny my whole life, I could eat anything including unhealthy fast food, sodas, etc and never gain weight. I thought that my "metabolism was too fast", that it was genetic, and that I could not change it.
Until this year where I actually wanted a change and went from 130 to 160 lbs (58kg to 72kg). I'm 5'10 (177 cm). And for the first time of my life, I can wear something that actually fits and looks good on me.
This is why you pull girls. Women are not interested in average men at all. They either want the tar-heroin injecting bass player, violent serial killer or the billionaire.
I specifically said Neo-Nazi, which entails having the facial structure of a loser who thinks they’re “muhh master race” - I’m essentially a genetic mutt from the MidWest. I don’t have nice heroin chic cheek bones or a chiseled jaw line or anything. But discussing this is dumb & fruitless, I probably shouldn’t even be replying.
Actually - I’ll give one last piece of advice
>> They either want the tar-heroin injecting bass player, violent serial killer or the billionaire.
Do not, under any circumstances, align yourself with any woman/human who you’ve learned has a personality like this. It’s that simple. That’s a disgusting personality. Most women are not like this & I’ve typically immediately ghosted the few I’ve ended up meeting that are.
It sounds like you want a girl who’s into that & just want to fantasize that you’re the tar-heroin injecting bass player, violent serial killer or the billionaire - but you aren’t, & never will be. Not sure why anybody would want to live with a mindset like that.