> Are they ever really "the same computer"?
In short: Yes.
The point you're making is valid in general and you provide valuable context. A modern car does have many different computers, and there is a lot of intentional partitioning (and even some redundancy) into different CPUs, as well as guests under hypervisors.
For example, a typical headunit computer (the "infotainment computer") tends to contain two to three SoCs performing different duties, and one or two of them will run hypervisors with multiple guest operating systems. And that is just one of multiple computers of that weight class in the overall car architecture.
That said, there's an overall drive to integrate/consolidate the electrical architecture into fewer, beefier systems, and you do now encounter systems where you have mixed criticality within a single computational partition, e.g. a single Linux kernel running workloads that contribute both to entertainment and safety use cases. One specific driver is that they sometimes share the same camera hardware (e.g. a mixed-mode IR/RGB camera doing both seat occupancy monitoring tasks and selfies).
Safety-vs-not-safety aside, you also simply have different styles of development methodology (i.e. how do you govern a system) run into each other within the same partition. AUTOSAR Adaptive runs AUTOSAR-style apps right next to your POSIX-free-for-all workloads on the same kernel, for example.
What however is typically not the case in that scenario is that the safety workload in a partition is the only contributor to its safety use case, i.e. typically you will always have another partition (or computer) also contribute to assure an overall safe result.
In more auto terms, you might now have ASIL B stuff running alongside those Android apps on the same kernel, but you will still have an ASIL D system somewhere.
In general, you will start to see more of both in cars: More aviation- and telco-style redunancy and fault tolerance, and more mixed criticality. The trends are heading in both directions simultaneously.
> I don't think that's true even in entirely software-mediated-control vehicles like Teslas.
Tesla has been in the media for bugs such as flipping tracks on your Bluetooth-tethered phone or opening the wrong website in the headunit web browser rebooting the Instrument Cluster display. This is an example of mixed-criticality (done wrong). Many other cars are not architected quite as poorly. However, IC and HU/central displays sharing the same computer (not necessarily the same computational partition/guest OS) is increasingly common.