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If you can’t rebase, I don’t want you pushing to my main branches. I would rather teach everyone how to rebase before I cave and allow merge commits.

In a perfect world with infinite resources and no time constraints, sure.

I've done several projects rebase-only with limited resources and time constraints. In fact, it saved resources and time when we did it.

You have been repaid the time investment spent learning rebase commands, after once being able to avoid a really bad merge conflict.