For example, you're not included in my family, not legally, not biologically. If you ask/demand to be in my family simply because you say you feel like you are I'll say no but it will not mean I hate you, you're just not one of my family. My saying you're not is not anti-you or you-phobic. Your saying it wouldn't harm anyone to allow you and/or others to identify as being part of my family is simply nonsense, especially if my family disagree.
Thus, I'd like to see some justification for your claims.