> Je mange donc je chie. — Don Ho
"I eat therefore I shit." It's a pun on René Descartes' "Je pense donc je suis" (I think, therefore I am).
> Mathématiquement, un cocu est un entier qui partage sa moitié avec un tiers.
"Mathematically, a cuckold is a whole who shares his half with a third [party]."
> Si un jour une chaise te dit que t'as un joli cul, tu xtrouveras ça bizarre mais c'est juste un compliment d'objet direct.
"If some day a chair tells you you have a pretty ass, you'll find that weird but it's just a direct object compliment." It's a pun on "complément d'objet direct" (the object that is put directly after a transitive verb), intentionally being misspelled as "compliment d'objet direct" to mean that it's a direct compliment from an object.
> Mon pied droit est jaloux de mon pied gauche. Quand l'un avance, l'autre veut le dépasser. Et moi, comme un imbécile, je marche ! — Raymond Devos
"My right foot is jealous of my left foot. When one goes forward, the other wants to overtake it. And I, like an imbecile, I'm walking!