I'm being trolled by someone who finds a DNS lookup and an encrypted TCP connection to send a textual command to another machine is somehow impressive, rather than entirely basic and, again, unimpressive.

It then puts the result into a form that can be used programmatically by the local shell.

That does sound better than returns one octet with two well-defined values, sure.

And already the expert. Impressive.

I know UNIX is shit with a legion of cultists.

Hey, if we live in the best of all possible worlds, explain the market dominance of Windows. Did MicroSoft give Windows away for nothing, to poor unsuspecting university students who decided to hack on it instead of learn what a real computer is, until none remained?