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I had this problem too. Call your carrier and convert your domestic SIM to an eSIM and pop a new physical one in.

Turn off roaming on main SIM card and iMessage still works, but uses the data of the other SIM card.

I've tried doing this, only the other way around — kept my provider's physical SIM and bought an eSIM for travel.

Turned off roaming on the physical SIM and made data only go through eSIM, but it still got all messed up. :(

Interesting and thanks! I'll give this a shot.