In the ideal world, the XY problem is frequently novel to the group. The "feel free to respond and discuss" is something that has time consuming overhead in asynchronous environments. If one was to ask me an XY problem in person, that's something that can be dealt with in a way that has dense communication.
In the forum, the forum has likely been there long before the person posing the question. Often the people in the forum have seen that exact XY problem many times before and it is necessary for the person asking the question to demonstrate additional knowledge to get past the "yes, I know this is an XY problem and these are the constraints I have" to get it to be a novel problem once again.
This isn't saying it is ok to be a jerk, but it is important for the person asking the question to be aware of the history of the community and the forum.
Often this is best done with lurking for a while before asking questions (this was the norm on Usnet - https://www.24hoursupport.com/netiquette-for-newsgroups/ "Lurking is the practice of reading the postings in a group for a week or so before posting a message yourself. No one will know you are lurking, and you can get a feel for the types of personalities in the group, what types of things are discussed, and what topics or behaviors are frowned upon.").
I would contend that in many places today, the "join in and participate now" precludes lurking and so it is much easier to run into the stuff that is common knowledge (not forbidden) to the community that the new person hasn't become acquainted with.