Comment by onion2k | Hacker News Reader

Comment by onion2k | Hacker News Reader

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Alcohol promises a great time. Alcohol delivers a hangover and regrets.

I drink alcohol at least 2 or 3 times a week. I can't remember the last time I had a hangover. I just don't drink an excessive amount.

Junk food promises a great time. Junk food delivers poor health and regrets.

I eat junk food a few times every month. I'm above average on most health metrics.

Going to the gym promises hardship and struggle. It delivers health. I've never once regretted it.

I don't go to the gym. I do lead a reasonably active lifestyle though.

Reading a book promises struggling and boredom. It delivers wisdom and inspiration. I've never once regretted it.

I give up on books that aren't interesting within the first chapter. There are lots of books I regret wasting time on.

There's no simple 'rules' or 'logic' to having a fun lifestyle that means you get the most out of your time on Earth. You can be fit, healthy, and enjoy things while drinking, eating some junk, and never going to the gym. Life is made up of many, many variables, and what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for the next person.

Do your own thing. Figure out your own life. Let others figure out theirs.

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands and then eat just one of those pieces. – Judith Viorst

People are made different. Some are more binge oriented, seems those also feel the most guilt after consumption and then they restrain for a longer time, then they fall worse. I'm like that, when I do something I'm all in, seems like a awesome thing when I'm into good things, but otherwise prone do get addicted to bad ones.

I noticed others who are more detached, don't feel that guilt and can stop when they want like you. Seems the better way to approach things is in "smaller bites".

Anything good in too great measure can become bad after all.

I don't know, I'm struggling with youtube of all things. Blocking extensions seem to work for a while...

I just disabled all recommendations, makes it way easier to not get caught up. You shouldn't say "of all things". They have hundreds of highly intelligent engineers working around the clock to get you addicted.

To block youtube use open dns. It interrupts the cycle. I had it set for reddit and hacker news, youtube etc.. for a long time.

You posted the comment I would have added. But let me ask, what do you have in your existential toolbox that helps you do this?

What have you experienced in your life which might make this easier for you than for others?

The secret, as I posted elsewhere, is that self-control is something you need to practice, like going to the gym for your amygdala. Every time your resolve wavers, resisting temptations gets harder. Every time you resist, the next time gets easier.

This is what accounts for the stark differences in outlook. If you've practiced this, it feels easy, and it can be difficult to even relate to how others struggle. If you don't, it feels impossible, and it can be difficult to relate to how others find it so easy.

It can be a surprisingly quick process. If you have some impossibly tempting snack you're struggling to resist, if you just grin and willpower your way through it a couple of times, rough as they may be, it takes less willpower each time. By the 5th or 6th time you've done this, it's maybe still effortful, but already noticeably easier. By the 20th time, you may not even feel the temptation at all.

... depending on what's got you hooked, obviously. Substance addictions may linger for a longer time, but the principle is the same. Even if you still crave cigarettes two months after you've quit, it's nowhere near as bad as it was 5 days in.

It's not without reason almost every culture has had rituals of fasting or abstinence. It turns out this is a pretty good thing to practice every once in a while, even if you don't have to become a desert ascetic or go full Jocko Willink in the process.

Hear hear, and I appreciate the Jocko reference.

My own middle path has evolved out of many things, but I imagine the three most prominent are:

1. Delayed gratification as part of childhood upbringing 2. Training to silence the internal dialogue 3. Appreciation of the miniature bonus: 4. Bach

I suspect these things have kept me from the alcoholism that is rampant in my family. I truly enjoy a few strong drinks a week, though sometimes I forget about alcohol for months or years.

But let me ask, what do you have in your existential toolbox that helps you do this?

I realized that I occupy very little space in other people's minds. Not just me though, this is true of everyone.

I'm not exceptional or famous or rich. People may see me but they don't care. I don't mean that in a self-effacing "I wish they would care though!" way. I just mean that everyone is living their own life, fighting their own battles, and not really spending a lot of time thinking about other people. We think we're being judged harshly by those around us when we do things we perceive are bad, but the reality is that we're not. Other people aren't thinking about us at all.

Consider this - if you go to a bar and see 300 other people, you might notice half a dozen and think "Hot", "Fat", "Even hotter", "Ugly", "Drunk", "Slightly less hot than the first one". You don't really see the other 294 people. And after 5 minutes you've forgotten them all. Even the hottest one. Everyone is like that. Why put any stock in what they might be thinking when the probability is very high that you aren't in their thoughts at all?

I can live my life the way I want to because I don't really care about what other people think of me, because I realized that they just don't think about me.

I will add that I do care about what my partner and my close friends think, but I'm also able to accept that they'd tell me if they thought something about me was 'wrong'. I don't need to worry about their opinions because I can just wait until they share them if they want to.

I suspect the reason I'm able to think this way is that my partner is a therapist and talking to her for a decade has given me some useful tools for introspectively understanding what's going on in my head.

> I suspect the reason I'm able to think this way is that my partner is a therapist and talking to her for a decade has given me some useful tools for introspectively understanding what's going on in my head.

Thank you for sharing some of those tools here!

I did not post the previous comment but I am pretty much the same… I can indulge in alcohol and junk food with moderation (again I think my last hungover was more than 15 years ago)! I think to be able to “control” yourself one must posses discipline and mental health (and good genetics). I don’t drink to “escape” or “relax”… I genuinely like beer and wine for their taste (usually with some good food).

I noticed a change in my "addictiveness coefficient" with age and stress level at work. So I no longer think of it as a constant multiplier.

"I eat junk food few times a month and I'm fine" does not mean someone can "do their own thing" eating fast food as their main diet and be fine.

Obviously, I was just answering the point that "Junk food delivers poor health and regrets." Junk food doesn't do that. Junk food in excess does.

People repeating the boring mantra of "Eat well, stop drinking, go to the gym, read improving books" are just trying to exert control over the lives of others, especially if they do it in a preachy "You'll regret it if you don't!" way. It's an unimaginative lifestyle with no room for joy. Everyone can enjoy life and embrace bad things on occasion without doing irreparable harm to themselves. If someone choose a shitty diet that is their decision to make. It's not up to you, me, or anyone else to tell others how to live.

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