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Comment by spaceman_2020 | Hacker News Reader

spaceman_2020

Focused too much on making a living in my teens and 20s instead of college and social life. Never pursued artistic interests seriously because I was just too tired from working and stressing out about bills.

Now I’m in my 30s with next to no social life and the realization that I’ve wasted away my time and whatever little talent I have.

There’s a “regret” folder sitting in my Google Drive with two half-finished books and at least half a dozen songs I was too chickenshit to finish and release out in the wild.

Always wonder how things might have turned out if I had more supportive parents (financially, emotionally) and if I had taken a few different relationship decisions.

I reckon it’s still not too late, but something tells me that it is…

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When every someone says it's too late in life to do something, I like to remind them that Toussaint L'Overture (a former slave) [1] was almost 50 when he led one of the most successful slave rebellions, defeating all of the colonial powers at the time (France, Spain and UK) and laying the ground work for the first independent black state in Carribean.

Just a nice example that it ain't too late.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toussaint_Louverture

Julia Child didn’t even learn to cook until she was 39. And it was quite a journey from there before she had her famous show and career.

Definitely not too late. 30s are still very young.

Whatever your goal is, try to stop having 0% days.

You don't need to have 100% days, Just avoid having 0% days.

In a few months or a year you'll be surprised at the progress you've made.

100% agree.

Had a realization about small steps making a huge difference a few days ago.

It was so profound to me that I've written a short essay about it.

https://kormosi.com/small-things/

You don't have to 100% agree, just not 0% agree!

Hah!

In your 30s it is not too late to do really anything apart from elite sports (with the exception of long distance running).

Difficult to tell from your comment but if you did bring yourself some financial stability, it was unlikely time wasted.

I had been focused on work through my 20s and had always wanted to write. Shifted gears in my 30s and have developed myself as a writer. It wasn't without cost, of course.

If you want to give more time to developing yourself as a writer or musician or artist, there's time. You can shift gears, you just have to understand the tradeoffs because just like neglecting social life and artistic development led to those parts of yourself being underdeveloped, so will shifting gears in your thirties in regards to your career.

If you don't throw yourself full-bore into those new pursuits, you can still pick them up as hobbies, choose modest projects, and split the difference.

What surprised me in your story is that you have actually written those half finished books and songs. You've spend your time, you've tried it out and have an actual understanding of how this process works. Because I've heard dozens of stories like yours, of people regretting not following their artistic pursuits. Practically all of those people didn't write anything at all and never tried to put the pen to paper. For those people the path to artistry in an eternity. But you are already there. You've made the hardest steps and now you can only get better.

It's never too late, of course. I think there is a naïveté to one's art when younger that can be refreshing if it's music, perhaps less so if it's prose.

To be sure, the short stories and such I wrote in my early 20's are embarrassing to me now.

Pynchon was a young published writer when he wrote the story "Entropy" — I believe it was later embarrassing to him (and well it should be).

Since I was raised by a single mother (working as a secretary) I took financial responsibility very seriously — such that, while I had an artistic bent, I did not waste my money paying for college to pursue a degree as impractical as art. I don't think though that, like you, that I have had many second thoughts about the path I took. I know I would have done the same thing given another chance.

On the other hand I have since raised three kids and encouraged all of them in creative expression. I made it clear as they grew up that college was going to be a free ride for them — they should pursue whatever degree that speaks to them. (My first daughter majored in Fine Art — is busy getting her tattoo license).

I kind of feel like I got a second chance through them. Or a chance to see what-could-have-been. They're fortunate. I and perhaps you were not.

My regret is watching so much crap on cable TV before starting a family (cut the cord when the first was born, never looked back). Got a lot of free time back to pursue more artistic interests. :-)

Nope. It is never too late. As long as you are alive, you can change things. It certainly won't be easy. But it is doable. The only thing that is stopping you, is your own mind. And I believe in you. You can do it! Also I wish you a nice day, hopefully.

If I had to pick one thing out of all the things in the universe that is never too late to start a career in, I would pick writing.

When Günter Grass (famous German author) was asked for advice to young writers he said something like: "Don't try to become a writer just because you want to be one. And if you absolutely must do it, don't study languages. Pick a career that forces you into contact with lots of people. A waiter in a restaurant or something. If young people start to write without knowing the world, they risk writing about their own belly button too soon." (Writing about your belly button being an expression for writing about your own selfish viewpoints and insecurities)

I'm in my mid thirties and published my first short stories last year. I'm very pleased with the result and I'm glad I didn't publish my earlier stuff. I was terribly opinionated while trying to sound enlightened and only out to prove something to myself and the world. Now I have the maturity to be more expressive and it shows in the feedback I get. (Always express, never impress they say.)

Now I'm putting off my first novel to learn about computers, because I feel like having a good job is a more pressing issue right now than artistic expression.

And I'm absolutely positive that it won't be too late for my novel when I'm 40.

Writing is one of those pursuits/passions that often doesn't really get going until later in life. Author Hilary Mantel, who just passed away at age 70, didn't publish her first novel until her mid 30s. Science Fiction author Gene Wolfe was a plant engineer (helping to design the machine used to make Pringles, incidentally) and later the editor of a technical magazine. He wrote short stories and novellas on the side starting in his 30s but wasn't able to start writing full time until his late 40s or 50s.

It's only too late when you lose access to your drafts

>Focused too much on making a living in my teens and 20s instead of college and social life. Never pursued artistic interests seriously because I was just too tired from working and stressing out about bills.

Sounds like you are me. I worked tons, paid off my house. Got my retirement fund way up. Lots went well; but obviously came at a cost of other things.

>There’s a “regret” folder sitting in my Google Drive with two half-finished books and at least half a dozen songs I was too chickenshit to finish and release out in the wild.

Andy Weir was in his 40s when he finished his 3rd book and managed to get it published. Now he's a contemporary scifi leader.

Personally managed to finish writing 3 books but I'm too chickenshit to actually try to get them published. I'm a tech, not a writer and I'm not expecting they are any good.

>I reckon it’s still not too late, but something tells me that it is…

Nope, not at all too late. You have decades to get back to those.

I think I have similar feelings. While studying and in my early 20s I spent a lot of time trying to build a side business (a la Four Hour Work Week) so I could have freedom to spend my life how I wanted instead of working all the time.

My parents were not very well off and I had to work a couple of jobs to put myself through higher education, so I think this is where that came from. The ironic thing was that in that part of my life I had basically no responsibility so could have actually lived my life and don't whatever I wanted, I just didn't have much money.

Now I'm in my 30s, have a family, and have a ton of responsibilities. I'm doing somewhat well financially (money in > money out), but now have no free time to actually do anything, and not enough savings to take an extended break from working.

Sounds like something to write a song about

> Focused too much on making a living in my teens and 20s instead of college and social life

I did this too, to avoid addressing being gay. At times in my life I've regretted working so much, but in my late 50's I developed some health problems because of a goofed-up immune system (CVID). Now, I'm glad I was able to retire at 45 because I was a workaholic in my younger days. I still enjoy my life, but if I had to work full time, it would be pretty miserable and I'd probably have to go on disability.

One thing I try to keep in mind about regrets: when looking back, people always assume that if they had made a different decision, the outcome would have been better. But you don't actually know that: things could have turned out worse.

I spent my teens and 20's working, too. Turned down a different path when I was 33. Now I'm 39, and just recently ended up going back to a productive career -- but those years in between were absolutely the best of my life and I couldn't be more glad that I took them for myself.

Would some things have gone better if I'd done that with my 20's instead of my 30's? Undoubtedly. At the same time, other things made it much easier in my 30's -- for an obvious example, having money already saved up freed me from having to work some menial job to support myself during those years.

It's definitely not too late.

> Focused too much on making a living in my teens and 20s

Worst mistake of my fucking life. Did me no good anyway, as all of peers who had a head on them and took more traditional paths ended up reaching where I was or better within a few years.

It's probably the average situation for most people.

In their 30s, most average people are busy with kids and work and have little time to socialize.

But eventually they will reunite with their lifelong friends and make videos like these: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4g3OT7w1u5s (I have no affiliation with those people)

Dude, spaceman_2020, you are young a.f. still. There are predicaments and Chinese finger traps much much worse still. Here is your quote of the day:

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/6495956-for-what-it-s-worth...

What would happen if you renamed that folder from "regret" to "work in progress"?

Age is meaningless… it’s all about how you feel. So nothing is really ever too late.

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