You jest, but here's an idea: print a block of raised letters (like old typesetting) on a 3D resin printer (mirror the characters). Roll a thin slab of potter's clay, say 5"x 8". Press the text against the blank slab, fire the clay in a kiln, and voilà, your bio or other precious document will last like Babylonian clay tablets.

And how many did they fail to read?