Why does the author write in such laughably pretentious language?

> It is the emotional register that accounts for the Pavlovian alacrity with which we attend to our devices and the digital flows for which they are a portal

Why not just say "it's the feeling of being addicted to social media"?

Another example:

> I skim the surface of each emotional experience, but rarely can I plumb its depths or sound out its meaning.

This isn't a satire but I wish it was. If the author has something to say, maybe they should actually make an effort to say it instead of larping as a philosopher