Since July of this year I've been CTO for a small games company, I've worked in this industry before in a more specialised role but this is much broader scope.
I've gone from being responsible for 1 person to 10 which will likely become 50 by the end of next year.
I'm terrified.
I'm terrified because I feel like I will let my reports down.
I'm terrified because a lot of the work I'm doing lacks transparency, how do I tell my compatriots about things that may not come to pass, especially deep political things -- and the amount of work necessary to onboard/offboard people, about "strategic partnerships" and why they're taken, or not taken or any of the hundreds of other things which are changing direction 3 times a day each.
I am technical, deeply, passionately technical.
I will not do service to people by being technical, my days are too fragmented, my worries too broad, it's impossible to dig into a small focused problem and give it the treatment it deserves - and even if I could then I'd be dooming one of my colleagues to maintain it forever because I couldn't possibly..
My being technical is good because I know the problems and I know what can make people feel valued; I can give people autonomy and direction and I can understand when help is needed and how to give it.
However, almost nothing in my work is technical, it's all presentations, discussions, breakdowns, timelines, contracts and negotiation.
The most code I write now is to do cost reporting.
My most frequently accessed cloud console pages are the billing sections.
This is not fun at all (and frankly, I didn't think it would be); but I fear what will replace me if I leave.