Thankfully, there's someone selling every possible take on parenting advice to meet every intuition seeking affirmation. (I skip that part and just go straight to my own intuition. I think we need diversity.)
The work here is not to let the child cry in it's early days, but to put it in it's bed, come when it cries, calm it down, go back to bed, come again when it cries etc. Repeat until child sleeps.
It’s a simple technique that helps the parents go through the one or two difficult nights where the child learns how to manage to sleep alone. It uses a stopwatch. First leave the child to cry for 15 seconds before going to comfort them. Always stay by the bed, giving only your presence. If the crying continues when you lay the baby in bed, add 15 seconds so wait for 30 seconds, etc. until reaching a plateau of five minutes. I don’t know anyone who reached the plateau, nor had to do it for more than three days.
My daughter falls asleep almost immediately and is much happier now that she’s properly rested. And as parents we’re happier too!
My wife and I are expecting our first in November and are currently reading - and loving - this book. It’s a great reframe.
based on my experience i'd very much doubt that this sleep problem comes because of attachment parenting. there must have been some other experience that causes the child to have trouble sleeping alone.
the point of attachment parenting is exactly to help the children be more confident, so they need less attachment later. if that doesn't work then there must have been some other influence. elsewhere you mention a highly anxious mother. i don't know, i thought it would have to be something worse like divorce or death of a family member. but it's not surprising that the kids pick up the anxiousness of their mother.
but that doesn't mean attachment parenting is the wrong approach. it only means that it makes it more challenging, and while you could try letting kids cry it out, i believe that would only lead to a worse outcome. because while it works to let the kids sleep by themselves, it influences the relationship between the parents and the children.
(edited for clarification)
How often does that happen in reality? Are there any studies? What is your personal experience? Honest question, as I really don't know.
> Thankfully, there's someone selling every possible take on parenting advice to meet every intuition seeking affirmation.
There's no need for such a dismissing attitude. I clearly stated I am not an authority on the subject and I'm welcoming all and any information in the replies. I'm just discussing here, and without actual knowledge, intuition is my starting point.
How did you manage to get the 6 years old to finally sleep alone? Did it happen by itself or did you have to do something about it?
6 year old is currently in that state. Again, even daring to admit something like that invites commentary from other parents how we did it wrong. Maybe so, but his mother is also a highly anxious person who could not handle letting a child be upset without comforting him. I also have a 12 year old who sleeps fine on her own now but was similar to about the same age.
So again, I don't see a way to be a parent other than intuition coupled with openmindedness, and that undoubtedly our own limitations or neuroses will end up affecting our children somehow (to the extent we don't or can't work on ourselves). It's somewhat of a tragic or at least deeply humbling experience.
Ha 6 is nothing, my 14 year old still asks a few times a week. I gave up a long time ago, its my wife's problem now.