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Comment by NLPlatypus | Hacker News Reader

That proverb isn’t true and stems from a generation that didn’t understand mental health

The proverb describes a state of mind one should aspire to. "Words will never hurt me" not because saying mean things can never do harm (it obviously can), but because I make an effort to control my emotions and reactions. Just as physical health is improved by a nutritious diet and regular exercise, mental health is improved by proper habits of mind.

Refusing to acknowledge the affect of hurtful words on yourself, is pretty much the opposite of "proper habits of the mind".

Denial does not make healthy people.

It's not denial so much as it is not caring to the point where you get upset. I think that's the strength of mind that GP is referring to.

I agree. Just because we have more advanced diagnosis and detection tools these days doesn't mean everything has to be a problem. The internet has really shaken up social norms and signaling and the kids are the first ones to enter the new world. I believe once we have a generation of fully formed 30-50 year olds who grew up with this strange social media, then we'll have the proper understandings and social knowledge to handle it well. Kinda like how parents these days can attempt to relate to their kids in high school. We need the elder wisdom there.

But I do believe that right now we're kinda off track. We almost venerate the act of being hurt. Everyone likes attention and nothing gets such protection by certain classes as having been offended or wronged by some other class. Social signals are currently built to display virtue and so people will go out of their way to display their support of the wronged. I _do_ believe that this is the correct direction to move from where we were, but I think it's gone a little too far and needs time to rebound.

Being a victim is the fastest way to go from zero to hero (reach millions of people) these days and it's also seemingly the least likely way to backfire. People are much more hesitant to bring up the wrongs of someone who's currently being defended for fear of ending up being placed in the out group and ostracized from the signaling group.

This all contributes to a social custom of looking to be wronged, so that you may point out the evil of the person/generation/world. However, people aren't idiots and can _sometimes_ tell if you're just faking for clout. This leads to a feedback loop of needing to be really hurt, seeing other people be really hurt, believing your really hurt, and finally internalizing that pain and trauma. Things do hurt, bad words are called bad for a reason. Society might be better if we were all nice. But every bad word and every microaggression does not need to become such a large roadblock to personal freedom. People are chaining themselves to the road with this stuff. Dieing on hills that require them to have been personally wronged, using their own pain as a way to shut down criticism. Yes, people hurt, and things can be bad. But it's also entirely possible to see something hurtful and continue life without it hurting you. It's 100% doable to actually not be hurt, not just ignore it, but to construct a self esteem and understanding that allows you to not be shanked by every half difficult social interaction that occurs.

Mental health awareness is good. But social signals lead individuals to believing they must be hurt to be a part of the in group. Virtue through suffering is an incredibly effective signaling mechanism

Im not saying you should broadcast your woes to the world for fake internet points. Just that people should be ok with having a bad day sometimes and that people who think they are too "strong" to ever be sad, usually are the most screwed up mentally.

I would suggest that anyone who cares so little that there is literally nobody who can say anything that hurts them is basically dead inside.

Part of living is opening yourself up to people. That includes the risk of getting hurt. That's normal and part of the human experience.

I don't think anyone in this thread is denying this.

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